Big Shoes to Fill
My sister, #15!! Photo: Harry McConnellI think the biggest myth that our society has come up with is the idea that sisters are inherently the same because, all girls are, and we all must have the same interests. Girls are pink, sparkles, American Girl dolls, and being boy crazy. Except, like I said at the beginning, that’s a myth. I think the second biggest myth is, that big sisters are always the strongest, the most influential, and the biggest trouble makers. Now, while one of those things are true for me, the rest are not.
In July of 2003, I was born, after quite a dramatic series of events. Kind of fitting though, don’t you think? I was my parents first baby, their little princess. Well for two years I was. Then Ellie was born. And let me say this, I was not forgotten about, I was just not the only one anymore. I don’t remember this time very well because I was only two after all, but I do remember instantly feeling like a protector, and like a permanently built-in best friend. Even at just two years old I had immense responsibilities to be the bigger, bad-er, and better big sister. But, as I have grown, and Ellie, my little sister, has grown, I realized that even though I may be older in years, I am not in the sense of societies general idea of being the big sister, especially when it comes to my height.
Growing up I was the trouble maker daughter, I liked to pick arguments with my parents, and get my sister in trouble. And as I got older I was the one to sneak out late, or to go to a party. I was the worse student out of the two of us, and I was the art kid. Ellie was the angel. And that’s not to say she didn’t do her fair share to be a pain in the ass also, but she was an angel. She wore this adorable bunny hat, and played fairies in the woods behind our house. She is now the “Tomboy” who drives tractors with dad, and rides horses. She’s the soccer star, and track athlete. And I have my nose in a book somewhere, or I am crying and singing along to some Harry Styles album. She loves the colors blue and green, and likes trips to Bass Pro Shop… in other words she is a little bit of a hick (it’s ok she calls herself that too). And I don’t like to get dirty, my hair is always done, and I could spend all my time, and money for that matter, in Nordstrom’s.
This post is called “Big Shoes to Fill”. And no, I am not talking about her huge shoes that I will never fit into, or her lanky 5’10” body. I am talking about the “walk a mile in my shoes” type of shoes. Within the last 2-3 years, my mental health has taken somewhat of a toll on myself. When you’re a teenage girl in this world, there is a constant pressure put onto you, and no matter what type of front you put up, sometimes the walls come tumbling down. And, that’s what happened to me. I suffered in silence. I suffered in silence while I struggled with eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and on two occasions, thoughts of ending my life. But when you have a Big Little sister, who needs you, you have to stay. You have to get better.
I remember, one night, maybe a month or two into COVID, Ellie came into my room, she must have heard me crying on the phone to my best friend about how I was doing, and how much I quite literally hated myself, and she just sat on my bed. She told me in her own way, and in a few words, that she loved me, and if I left her, that she would be very mad at me. That she needed me. But, also that she was there for me whenever I needed her. This struck me. I felt ashamed, I was supposed to be the big sister, the one that is saying those things to her, that I was there for her, and that I would never leave, and yet I was stuck in a position where I couldn’t say that because I hadn’t been that person, I hadn’t been that big sister. It was in that moment I realized, that despite our age, and what life experiences we had, emotionally, she was the big sister.
From that night on, I have lived thinking that I want to be her when I grow up. Anyone who knows Ellie, may be able to relate. She is selfless, and never fails to make someone laugh. She is DROP DEAD GORGEOUS, and has this aura that is so entrancing. I feel so unworthy of being in her presence sometimes. To her friends (except for the small few I look at as siblings) I am “Ellie’s sister” and I couldn’t be more proud of that title. This does create an interesting dynamic though, because only I see her as my big sister. And I feel like I need to clarify, I don’t go to her with all my problems or ask for advice that she wouldn’t be able to give, I just look up to her. And I need her in my life forever. She still comes to me for things about boys, and family drama that she needs to rant about. We fangirl over chick-flicks together, and sing throwback songs. But I love the city, and she loves farms, and being close to home. She needs me, I need her, and I guess in a way, now that I am really thinking about it, we both have big shoes to fill.
Either way, she’s my sister. My permanently built-in best friend, my confidant, and the person I owe everything. Ellie, I love you so much, and I grow more proud of you, and being able to call you my sister everyday.
Now, reader, go tell someone you love them, and find someone’s shoes to fill.
-Miss O
Fashion100: sec.633
Dress: FreePeople Photo: Kimberly MufferiOn Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, from 3:30-4:45 PM, I sit in a pretty classroom with lots of windows, and two TV screens with synchronized PowerPoints, and contemplate everything I thought I knew about the industry. Professor Jamie Ross, aka the fashion merchandising world’s princess, is one of the coolest women in fashion that I know of (still not as cool as Anna Wintour though). She worked as a trend forecaster, and brand stylist for 25 years, and has taught at FIT, Fordham, and classes at Parsons, along with now, Marist. She is seriously so cool. SHE HAS SAT NEXT TO ANNA WINTOUR AT FASHION WEEKS… THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Anyway, I have been sitting in this class, taking notes, subscribing to so many magazines, and watching obscure amounts of fashion film. But in the last two months the most surprising thing I have learned is how oblivious I am regarding my daily apparel. Last week, we had an assignment where we had to go into our closets, and pick out our four favorite items of clothing, locate the content tag, and then say what the garment was made of (including material percentages) and then describe the fit, and the hand (how it feels to the touch). Now let me be completely transparent here, I spend a lot of money on clothes. It’s my thing. You know how Bobby down the street spends hundreds, maybe thousands on video games every year? Well, that’s me with clothes… and bags and shoes. So, because of this, I was very confident about the quality and sustainability factor of my clothes
Everything started off strong with my vintage ruby red GRAFF denim jacket with embroidery of women, flowers, and vases. Now, I LOVE this jacket, and was very pleased with the content tag, 97% Cotton (not organic but we will let it slide cause it was thrifted), and 3% Spandex. I thought “Damn, okay Olyvia off to a strong start here, you got some good ones!”. And this good streak continued with my backless cinched waist prairie maxi dress from FreePeople. I found the content tag and was pleased to see this: Shell- 100% Cotton (again not organic…). But then I saw what the lining was made of, and I don’t know why, but I instantly felt defeated. The tag read: Lining- 100% Polyester. Now in the grand scheme of things, this may not be a big deal for the average fashion consumer. But, for me, a fashion student, and (hopefully) future stylist and fashion journalist, who values sustainability in fashion, I was disappointed with myself.
Let’s take a small break and talk about synthetic fibers and fabrics. Synthetic, or manufactured fibers, are any fiber or material that at any point in the production process were treated with or made out of chemicals. Within this group of manufactured fibers there are two sub-groups: regenerated, and man-made. You have probably heard of Rayon, Triacetate, and Bamboo. At one point in the process of production, these materials were plants, or natural fibers, but in order for them to be wearable they are treated with chemicals… this does not necessarily mean they’re bad, just not completely sustainable. And then on the other side of the spectrum, you have man-made synthetic materials. These are never naturally occurring, and they are not sustainable. Man-made fibers start as a thick plastic like liquid called ‘Spinning Solution’. As it is stretched, spun, and dries, it takes on the feel and appearance of natural and regenerated fibers. Some common ones are Polyester, Nylon, and Spandex. These are unsustainable not only because of the production process, but also because of the micro plastics they leave in water during care, and production. So be weary when washing.
Back to my story. I continued through the next two pieces I had selected for the assignment, which included a pair of high wasted leopard/spotted slacks, and a rainbow knit long cardigan. I first located the content tag on the pants and it read: 90% Polyester 10% Elastane, and then the sweater’s: 70% Cotton (again not organic) and 30% Acrylic. I was disappointed. These pants that I loved so much, that I supported the brand of, that I always talked up as being “Amazing quality, and expensive feel!” were plastic. And for the cardigan, one that I spent a PRETTY penny on, had acrylic (for reference: when you buy something that is knit, and after one or two wears, or maybe a wash, and it starts to pill, it has acrylic). Let me just say this, in no way am I bashing what people wear (myself included), or how they shop, but sustainability in fashion is something we ALL need to take so much more seriously. Especially in our new age, and global climate.
However, to argue the other side, the side of fast fashion (please try to avoid this, especially brands like GAP, Old Navy, Banana Republic, and the LOFT), its more accessible, both to make and buy. While the whole industry is beginning to speak on the idea of sustainability, and being mindful with resources, they make accessing these clothes so so so expensive, which almost makes them less sustainable because then it just goes to waste. And to touch on another thing I have been repeating here, organic or inorganic cotton, one is more sustainable then the other. Cotton, within fashion is most commonly seen in the making of denim or jeans. But, the process of harvesting the cotton and then making the garment takes hundreds of gallons of water. And while organic cotton still takes a good amount of water to produce, it also takes far less. Just food for thought. ;)
I know this was a lot of word vomit, and maybe a little bit hard to get through, but if you did get through it, and if you want to be, you’re now a part of the fashion sustainability movement. So, let’s give two BIG claps for Professor Ross for 1. teaching me all this good stuff, and 2. for making me more aware of the materials in my closet, and what else I might want to put in there!
-Miss O