Five Days in London

Samantha (center), Mia (left), and myself (right) on Big Steve's Tour, on the middle of the Tower Bridge. Samantha was able to spend 24 hours with us in London... so naturally this is the only picture of the three of us we took:)

London has been my ultimate goal since I first mastered a proper British accent as a child. I couldn’t tell you why I have always felt such a strong desire to live there, but something about it has always seemed so regal to me. In middle school when my undying love for One Direction became the premise of my being, I made the promise to myself to become a British citizen. Silly I know, but also completely valid in reasoning. So, when I realized I would have the time to see the city over my fall break, the decision to splurge and buy the plane ticket was painstakingly obvious. Mia and myself were to spend a glorious five days in the Motherland, which is not enough time in the slightest but also more than I could have ever fathomed. Landing at Stansted Airport was the most euphoric feeling I have ever had. And then as we neared closer to Liverpool Highstreet train station, and the skyline of downtown started to come into view, I think a tear or two may have fallen from my eyes. It was like I was coming home after too long away. Our first steps through the city, into Holland Park were ones of complete awe, heads looking up and down and around, trying to soak in every sight and sound as not to miss a single thing. The people were dressed to the nine, with chavs sneaking around in the background. The cars were somehow moving in the wrong direction, and the whispers all held the purest of noble tones. It was perfect. Even the air smelled English. But not everything can be perfect, because fate has a cruel and unusual sense of humor.

The two weeks leading up to the trip were dedicated to getting plane tickets, booking our accommodations, and making lists of things we needed to see. I felt so grown up, planning my first trip to another country, besides Italy, pretty much on my own. Flights were easy, and sights were easier, but accommodations is where the universe decided to play a silly little trick on us. We decided to stay at a cheap, well rated, and centrally located youth hostel near Holland Park and Kensington. Upon our arrival to this hostel, things were already starting to go wrong. Our first sign should have been how damn hard this building was to find. On the website it was advertised as being this gorgeous, old, castle-like building nestled into one of the city’s largest parks. Well, it ended up being a shady concrete structure next door to the gorgeous, old, castle-like building. We arrived about 30 minutes earlier than our stated arrival time and were pretty sure they would just let us check in and drop our bags off into our room. Wrong. We ended up having to wait until 3:00, outside, while a little too nice Scottish man, easily in his mid-forties, decided to eavesdrop on our conversation and add his own thoughts. This should have been the second sign this may not have been the best idea. Check-in time rolled around, and we were able to get the locks for our lockers, the key to our room, and go put our things away. When I tell you, entering that room for the first-time will forever be ingrained into my mind, I am not lying. Mia and I stumble into this room with our bags, sweaty bodies, and parched throats to see a middle-aged man, PANTSLESS, drying his feet. I should have turned around right then, but I am not a quitter and so I continued on. We managed to find our peculiar fuchsia bunks and get all of our stuff safely put away. The room smelled damp, like old men and feet, and the only other youths in our room were another girl, traveling solo, and a gay man who couldn’t have been much older than Mia and myself. Traumatizing is the only word I can think of to describe this place. After we finished settling in, the first day in the city was great. We explored the neighborhood, got some food, went to a bookstore, and got caught in a rainstorm. Essentially the complete British experience. The time rolled around for us to head back to the Hostel before going to the bus stop for our nighttime city bus tour. This is when I started to realize I might be a quitter after all.

The bus tour was lovely. Our guide, ‘Big Steve’, loved our American nature and made us laugh and taught us so much about his beloved London. I wont lie, this was probably one of the highlights of the trip for me; listening to a rather large man with a nearly incomprehensible accent, make fun of us and give fun facts sarcastic embellishments. After our tour ended, we needed food desperately, so we did what any rational 20-year-old girl would do, we went to Taco Bell. And let me tell you, I have been MISSING Taco Bell, the Italians are too good for it I guess. We traveled with our Taco Bell back to the death trap and got ready for bed. To say that was the scariest night of my life would be the understatement of the century. I ended up calling my parents in the middle of the night, whisper crying that I was scared I was going to die, and I couldn’t stay there for one more night, let alone four. So, we found a cute, inexpensive, hotel nearby, and the next day we were out of there. Thank god for the internet and travel websites. I will say I have a certain level of appreciation for the hostel, it taught me that I can do hard things and you can travel on a budget. But it also taught me I am too anxious, bougee, and germophobic to ever do it again. You live and you learn I suppose.

The rest of our trip was a fever dream and is so blurred in my mind I don’t know if it will ever be clear again. We ate at Nando’s, saw incredible art, walked until we had bruises and blisters, rode the tube, and saw Abbey Road. It was like everything I had been imagining my whole life was not just a dream, it was reality. It was during the changing of the guard my wants to live in London were confirmed and I decided the next part of my future. My mom says I have this way of speaking my life into existence, that everything I have ever said I wanted to do, I have done. And so, when I told her I was going to live on a Narrowboat, gut it and refinish it and learn how to drive the thing along the narrow rivers that interlace through the city, she told me that she would meet me there when the time came. It’s a strange feeling to idolize a place. It’s like when I decided I was going to move to New York, I was so terrified I would hate it after a while, and I wouldn’t be able to handle it. And at first that was my reality; fear and unsureness over whether or not I belonged there. But overtime I grew to love it, and now I call fucking Poughkeepsie, New York my home. Crazy how life works. London was different though. I expected to love it and want to live there and never want to leave. However, I didn’t expect to feel like I belonged there and fall in love with a city that had always seemed like a figment of my imagination. Being there and existing there was the first time in my life where I have felt fully and undeniably myself. My stride matched the pace of the locals and my wardrobe stood out just the right amount. My love of literature kept me grounded and I felt, for the first time since leaving Poulsbo, like I was actually at home. Isn’t it beautiful how that can happen? How a place that was once a stranger can become the place you feel most like yourself in the world? Scary hostel and all.

Our last day in London, day five, is probably on my list of greatest heartbreaks. I remember waking up that morning and knowing what was ahead of me for the day. I remember feeling so depressed and angry about having to return to Florence. Trust me, I know how pretentious this sounds but it’s the truth. Leaving London felt like leaving a piece of myself behind. When I said this to my mom, subtle tears in my eyes, she said “the part of you that is there will wait for you to go back and get it, no matter how long it takes”. I think this is true in many regards, like when you move away from home for the first time, and then leave your new home to live in another country. The bits of yourself that you leave scattered across the Earth remain in place until you can make it back to retrieve them. No matter how long it takes.

-         Miss O

The Summer I Turned Twenty

My twentieth birthday cake:) Pic by me and cake made by me:) Flowers are curtesy of my mama's garden!

Being a baby of the Sun is a feeling so incomparable to any other experience I have ever had. In childhood it was dreadful. Always albino with zinc covered skin and shady park birthday parties. Melted popsicles and strawberry shortcakes were a staple, and watermelon always seemed to be the star of the show. By the time I was ten the parties got smaller. Friends went on vacations with their families and couldn’t make it, and the kids who were still in town simply didn’t want to come or like me because I was “weird”. Whatever the fuck that means. By the time I was turning 14, it was a small gathering of maybe three friends and the members of my family that still cared enough to show up and bring a card. But when covid hit, and I turned 17 in the midst of an apocalypse, I realized I didn’t really want a party. I just wanted to curl up on the couch with my sister and my best friend Morgan, eat snacks, and watch some egregious romance movie. But it was when I turned 15 that I decided I hated having a summer birthday. That was the year I randomly decided I wanted a big party. I had a group of friends I naturally thought were going to be lifelong and I was about to go to sleep away camp for the first and last time. It wasn’t until I turned 16 I realized what a production the whole thing had been, like I was somehow trying to convince myself I needed the party to feel cool and seen and liked. I had to have the awesome summer pool party catered by my mama and Uncle Justin and it would somehow all of a sudden make me popular. I was so naïve then. The food was great though… I still think about it sometimes.

Well, I just turned 20. My birthday happened mid-moon, right in the middle of the full and the new, in the season of Cancer. I couldn’t necessarily tell you what exactly that means astrologically but, I can tell you this is the first birthday I’ve had where I actually feel older. You know when a grandma or great aunt pinches your cheek on your birthday and playfully asks “So do you feel any older?!”? Your usual answer is surely “No, I feel exactly the same.”, or a sarcastic “Decades actually!”; well, this year my answer was an insecure, mournful, and simple “Yes”. I remember way back in the old days (two years ago) when I was turning 18, and my 20s still seemed ages away. And when I turned 19, it started to set in, this would be my last year as a teenager, but I was still just that, a teenager. Then when 20 finally rolled around, I felt how I would imagine 35-year-old women feel when someone assumes they’re 36, ancient. At the same time, however, the emotional high of entering my 20s and for the first time really feeling like a grown-up, is the biggest high you can imagine. I also think though, part of this feeling is due to the fact that I was born in the summer.

This summer was strange to say the least. It was long, and hot, and sad, and everything good all rolled up into one giant delicious burrito. I worked the majority of the sun-soaked days, standing and conversing all day with pretentious customers at a small-town boutique. I steamed clothes, I merchandised the store, I got yelled at by some woman who’s “studying the art of love and humility”; which I learned by stalking her on the internet out of anger. I almost quit, and then didn’t, and then almost quit again… but didn’t. Mainly because of a coworker of mine, Karen, who basically became my work mom and best friend. She won’t mind a shoutout… I hope she’s been doing well since I last saw her at the beginning of August. On the days I didn’t work, I read The Twilight Saga and watched The Twilight Saga. I swam in the pool, played with my dogs, went to yoga religiously, and didn’t write nearly enough. But I felt content and healthy. I think I was creatively avoiding the thought of becoming a woman in my twenties, soaking up every last second of my ‘Hell is a Teenage Girl’ mentality. I watched the Fourth of July fireworks alone, a tradition I hope to keep actually. And then before I knew it, the first week of July was almost over, and I was about to turn 20. My best friend from college, Mia, came to stay with my family and I for a few days to celebrate… it was cathartic to have someone who only knows the Marist College student version of myself, see me in the place that I hold so sacredly close to my heart. We had a great time going to rummage sales, brunch, and driving around my little town. I didn’t get to show her nearly enough, so she’s already planning her next trip. On the day before my birthday, July 7th, I made my very own birthday cake, from scratch. It was an almond poppyseed cake, with cherry buttercream, and vanilla custard filling. I decorated it with flowers and fruit and a whopping twenty fiery candles. It was probably the best birthday I have had in a long time. The rest of the summer was filled with more work, hikes with Morgan and my dogs, nights at the movies with Dr. Oppenheimer and my girl Barbie. And then at the End of July, I ventured to the Jersey shore to celebrate Mia and her 20th birthday… a full circle month.

It was on the plane home from New Jersey I started to think about writing this blog. Like I said… I haven’t been writing much, scared of the truths that might escape me the second I put pen to paper. So here I am today, September the 8th, exactly two weeks into my semester abroad in Florence, Italy and exactly two months into my 20th year, writing about The Summer I Turned Twenty. When I first started brainstorming I knew I wanted to reflect on the last twenty years (ouch writing that one hurt) and do so in a way that can hopefully be a guide and place of comfort for others, no matter how old. So, I did what my mama would do, I made a list. I wrote down, in a battered-up composition book that I take everywhere, the first 20 takeaways I could think of, at the ripe age of well… 20. Most of these things are lessons I have yet to master, and some are ones I am not sure I ever will. But some, I live by.

Takeaway one: Go to art museums.

Just go. Doesn’t matter if you actually like or care about the art, the people and the atmosphere inside will change you. I could spend hours wandering around aimlessly looking at art and watching people I don’t know or understand. I always end up leaving knowing myself a little bit better than I did before. The Met is my favorite… for so many reasons.

 Takeaway two: Eat the damn cookie.

               Do I seriously need to give an explanation? Like seriously… just eat the cookie.

 Takeaway three: Listen more, speak less.

This is one that has taken me far too long to even realize. I always thought if I had something to say than I could help or contribute positively. But I was so, so, so wrong. While I am not a pro and have lots of work to do and habits to break, I have learned to listen actively. Sometimes all another person needs is for someone to simply hear what it is they have to say.

 Takeaway four: Travel.

While I am definitely no travel expert, I have learned that traveling has made me a happier and more open-minded person. Whether its discovering new places in the state you live in or going to live in Europe for 4 months… just go. The people I have met, the art I have seen, the food I have eaten, and the conversations I have had will stay with me for a lifetime.

 Takeaway five: Connect with strangers.

I feel like this kind of correlates with number four. By saying connect with strangers, I am not saying that you should just walk up to some random person and be like “Hey! Lets be friends!”, that would be weird. I more so mean, let seemingly random interactions and relationships develop. Allow yourself to be open to the possibility of meeting someone amazing or having a life-changing conversation.

 Takeaway six: Write poetry.

Doesn’t have to be profound, doesn’t have to be read by anyone, but it’s good for the soul. And if you’re not going to write it… you should read it. I recommend Dickinson and Brautigan.

 Takeaway seven: Do well in school.

As someone who was an average student up until my sophomore year of college, I can relate to those who are extremely smart and still struggle in school. All through middle school and high school I struggled with my attention span, doing my homework, and studying. However, once I got to college and began to learn about something I was truly passionate about, I became a straight A student. Its hard, and emotionally taxing, but my God is the sense of fulfilment and ego boost worth it. If you’re in school now or are planning to go to college, try. Apply yourself. And don’t do it for anyone but you. It is worth it.

 Takeaway eight: Don’t expect every experience you have to meet your high standards.

In no way am I telling you to not have standards so high you can’t reach them… I definitely think high standards are important. But I don’t think you should expect every experience you have to meet them; you will be disappointed every time. If you allow yourself the space to realize some people, places, or experiences simply will not meet those standards, you save yourself from so much pain and mental turmoil. Especially people. People do not change. Don’t continue to hope someone will finally reach the standards you hold them to. I hope that makes sense.

 Takeaway nine: He’s not worth it.

Don’t waste time and emotion on someone who will not reciprocate it. And don’t let BOYS get in the way of your friendships. He’s just not worth it.

 Takeaway ten: Be your full, true self.

You are perfect and powerful and beautiful just the way you are. Let others get to know that version of yourself. Be real. Be true. Be unapologetically yourself. If you can’t be yourself around the people you have surrounded yourself with, than why are you with them? Why have you let them into your life? Authenticity is the only thing that leads to true success and happiness.

 Takeaway eleven: TRY not to procrastinate.

This is by far the hardest thing for me on this list. I have CHRONIC procrastination. I have tried everything in order to break this bad habit, hell I even started talking about it in therapy. But, I have realized that the one thing that helps me not procrastinate is simply not procrastinating. Sometimes this is easier said than done but honestly it’s the best advice I can give. Maybe it’s just the ADD in my brain but if I tell myself to just get it done and not procrastinate, I’m somehow cured. It’s like the saying “don’t put it down, put it away”.

 Takeaway twelve: Read as much as you can.

Literature is a portal into the past and a gateway into the future. I honestly believe that reading is vital to the expansion of minds and the understanding of humanity. If you don’t like to read, grow up! 😊

 Takeaway thirteen: Compliment strangers.

I mean, it makes you feel good when someone compliments your outfit, your work, or even your ideas… why not make someone else the same?

 Takeaway fourteen: Spend time with your family, whatever that looks like for you.

In the last three years I have begun to appreciate my family, blood and chosen, a million times more than I ever have. I have come to realize that the people I consider my family now are not always people I am related to. Those that I surround myself with and have been blessed to have on my team are those that have proven themselves to be people that truly do love and care about me. My family life is not perfect, and I will forever be working through trauma and anxieties, but the family I do have I wouldn’t trade for the world.

 Takeaway fifteen: Do things that scare you.

I mean, I moved across the country away from everything I’ve ever known, to study fashion. And then I moved to another country to study fashion. I have been an editor on a Magazine, I have modeled, I made the deans list, I walked away from toxic friendships and into new ones, I have conquered my health both mental and physical, and I have tried my best to be myself. All of these things have been the most terrifying moments I have ever experienced, and yet I would do them all again. I highly recommend taking a scary risk, because what if it turns out to be the best thing you’ve ever done?

Takeaway sixteen: Nourish your body.

It is not my place to educate you on the art of nourishment and the trials of body dysmorphia. But I can say, take care of yourself, whatever that looks like for you.

Takeaway seventeen: Go outside. Be outside.

Nature heals, inspires, and revitalizes. Take care of it, and it will take care of you.

Takeaway eighteen: Acknowledge your impact on the Earth.

This goes with the above. Our impact on the Earth is one that could make or break our future as humankind. We only have one Earth, so why don’t we spend time ACTUALLY TRYING to save and maintain this one before we spend billions of dollars of taxpayer’s money, trying to find a new one in space? Just a thought.

Takeaway nineteen: Don’t put value in others’ opinions of you.

People’s opinions of you do not matter, especially the negative ones. Their own insecurities and jealousies are what is actually the problem. By bringing you down, they can begin to feel better about themselves. Remember, you are the bigger person, treat them with kindness regardless, and continue to be yourself.

Takeaway twenty: It’s not that deep.

Its really not… like not at all. Don’t let it get at you. Life is too short.

I am sure my takeaways will change and grow as I get older, but for now these are the ones that seem to ring the truest at this stage of my life. Now that I’m 20, I have new goals and hopes for the decade. From career goals to personal, I am excited and terrified of what is in store. I feel like women often say their “20s were the best years of their lives” and honestly I don’t know how much truth I hold in that. Being 10 years closer to 30 does not sound super fun to me, but at the same time I know that growing up and aging is a blessing and something to be utterly grateful for. Which makes me think about 21. I have a theory that once I get to 21 I will finally know how I will feel about being in my 20s. I will graduate and start my career in my 21st year, I’ll probably live on my own for the first time and have to figure out my life all over again. I hope by the time my year as 20 comes to an end I will have more appreciation for myself and a better understanding of myself and life in general. At 21 maybe I will even be more able to follow these takeaways I have listed here and actually be better equipped to take and learn from my own advice and life knowledge. I know whatever happens will happen and it will all be part of the bigger plan at play, and I cannot wait to see it. Until next summer I suppose.

-Miss O

The Headlines

A lot has happened in the last three months. I mean, we all know that though, the world is practically ending, war is breaking out everywhere, and over consumerism is at an all time high. But, on the other side of the spectrum, is the ever dramatic and shocking world of celebrity culture and fashion. Which if you ask me, is way more fun to talk about and far less depressing… kinda. So I have compiled just a few of my favorite headlines from the past two months and added my own thoughts and conspiracies to each one. However I am not gonna give into the Hailey-Selena-Justin love triangle drama (don’t get it twisted though… I’m Team Selena). Let’s get started shall we?

PSA before we begin… this was written on March 16… I’ve been busy <3

Austin Butler during hair/makeup Camera Testing for 'ELVIS' (pic is from Pinterest LOL)

Elvis Incarnate

In June of 2022, Baz Luhrmann’s long awaited, Elvis premiered. As a lifelong Elvis fan, I was beyond excited for this movie to come out. So, when opening night rolled around, there my mom and I were, ready for the show. It did not disappoint, the music was great, the colors a spectacle, and Butler’s performance really did deliver. I mean, he sounded JUST like Elvis. I was thoroughly impressed. But then, Austin Butler and his interpretation of The King literally flooded the internet. It was almost as if he had become Elvis. I mean the movie wrapped in March of 2021 and he still had the voice until…. I think he still has it… so until now. This man was hosting SNL, walking the Met Gala red carpet, and even accepting awards all while speaking like Elvis himself. I am not saying that Method acting can’t take a toll on the actor… but a total change in tone and way of speaking is intense. The memes have since kept me endlessly entertained and forever icked by Austin Butler. Which is unfortunate because have you seen him? But what does this have to do with the first few months of 2023? WELLLLLLLL, while walking the carpet at the Golden Globes, and later accepting his award for Best Actor in a Drama, in January of 2023, the man was still talking like Elvis. If you ask me, it’s about time he dropped the accent. It’s just cringy at this point.

Some dude in the Big Red Boots, from The New York Times.

The Big Red Boots

In February, designer brand MSCHF released a pair of shoes known as “The Big Red Boots”. If you can’t tell by the name, they’re big, red, and boots. They almost instantly took the internet and the fashion industry by storm with a quite controversial entrance into the trend cycle. The brand is known for their statement shoes, having made boots that look like medical casts and Birkenstocks made out of Hermes Birken bags (reduce, reuse, recycle). But something about these cartoon-like shoes kind of re-put them on the map. Celebrities like Diplo and Janelle Monet were some of the first to sport the boots. At first viewers couldn’t determine the seriousness of the look, assuming it had to be a gimmick, or some kind of marketing tactic for the upcoming Mario Brothers movie. But no, they really are just a pair of Big Red Boots made of rubber. Within 10 days, the boots were teased, campaigned, debuted, worn by celebrities, and then sold out. That is seemingly impossible, but yet it happened. If anything, the boots stand as an example of how dramatically fast trends get around when everyone has access to the internet.

Miss Rihanna at the Superbowl, wearing custom Loewe. 

RiRi and Her BB(s)

While the boots were having their moment in red, Rihanna did too. Her Super Bowl performance was iconic for a number of reasons: the all red, custom Loewe look, the hundreds of dancers in all white that seemed to practically fill the stadium, the fact that she performed Pose and Rude Boy, and of course The Baby Bump. Personally, as soon as I had a good look at her, I knew she was pregnant but, others were not so sure. Many went to social media basically saying, “don’t assume a woman is pregnant just because she has a bump”. And that is completely fair and correct, but when said woman enters the biggest stage in America, caressing said bump, it’s not absurd to assume that the lady’s with child. What really stirred the pot though, was not any of the reason’s listed above, but rather the fact Rihanna was pregnant again, for the second year in a row. The internet went CRAZY, asking “How could this happen?”… really, you don’t know how? Honey those six weeks were up, she got busy, and oopsie Baby #2. I think what makes this headline humorous is just how unrealistic it is. And I don’t mean RiRi being pregnant, more the reaction to 2 under 2. Just cause she’s a superstar doesn’t mean accidents don’t happen, if it even was an accident. If Rihanna was any other pregnant woman, with an infant at home, it would have never, made a headline. So I guess it just makes me wonder, why are we so obsessed with famous pregnant moms?

Random pic of MGK and Megan from Pinterest. They look kinda cute here actually...

Megan Fox Said “Boy Bye”

When I first saw Megan Fox in the clutches of Machine Gun Kelly (Aka Colson Baker) I was scared for her life. I am not one to judge, but since I am here, I might as well say their relationship really, really was strange. I mean first they were drinking each other’s blood, then nicknames like “Buddha” were circulating, and before you know it, the two are engaged. Here is where it gets WEIRD, the engagement ring was designed so it would PHYSICALLY HURT to take off. There are many other controversial things that happened, like risqué poses on red carpets and Instagram, and even some seemingly string word choices about how much they loved each other and what their relationship was like. So, when it was announced that their relationship was on the rocks… it made me kind of giddy. First of all, this woman is Megan Fox, she is literally one of the sexiest and most spiritual women in Hollywood, and she was with a man who goes by Machine Gun Kelly. Second of all, I feel it should be an immediate red flag when the engagement ring is modeled after thorny bushes, right? Anyway, I don’t know all that much about them or the situation, or the current state of their relationship but, I do know she’s probably better off without him.

Law Roach for The Hollywood Reporter... if this is him being "something more", than all I have to say is, wow.

Law Roach: The Retiree

Legendary stylist and the vision behind Zendaya has retired. But not from Zendaya. He announced on Instagram last week, after a hugely successful weekend at the Oscar’s and the Vanity Fair party that he couldn’t handle the “lies” anymore and was ready to be seen as “something more”. He then gave a less than impressive walk in the Boss fall/winter 2023 fashion show, and then promptly deleted the post announcing his retirement. There were more little things that happened but, the biggest thing that sticks out to me is his desire to be recognized as more than a stylist. In my opinion, Law Roach has always been more. He has been an artist, a visionary, an expert when it comes to vintage and archived fashion, and a powerhouse in the industry. So when he started to stir up his own drama, complain about the lack of recognition he received as an award winning stylist (with clients including Kerry Washington, Zendaya, Hailee Steinfeld, Hunter Schaffer and Megan Thee Stallion) I was instantly turned off and disappointed. I know that everyone has dreams and a desire to be bigger and better, but when you begin to blame others for your lack of achievement instead of taking responsibility, it just looks lazy. I for one would kill to simply be a stylist, so why make it sound like a shameful and embarrassing position to have? Especially when your audience is so vast.

Unfortunately there is always more to unpack… I just don’t have the time. I mean I wrote those Blurbs in March… and now its almost the end of April. Hell, in my time away Harry Styles made out with Emily Ratajkowski in Tokyo, Millie Bobby-Brown got engaged to Bon Jovi’s son, and Donald Trump was arrested. So I guess all I have left to say is, CHEERS, to crazy celebrities and their forever entertaining lives!

-Miss O

Albums to Learn and Love

A lone toilet in an empty building in Midtown, 2020. Pic is mine!

Well, the semester has ended, which is miraculous in and of itself, and it only cost me all of my energy, my few remaining braincells, and my sanity. However, now that it’s done, I can finally come back to all of you, whoever you may be. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to write about, and what I thought my readers would want to read. I started to breakdown the recent happenings in my life and in the world, I could have written about Kanye (but why give him a bigger platform), I could talk about Balenciaga or Alessandro Michele leaving Gucci (but that story has been told too many times), hell I could have even written about the Holidays and being with family (but I simply don’t want to). So here I am, breaking down five albums everyone should listen to, at least once. These albums are a mix of ones I know well and ones I have only heard one or two times, they are a collection of music that is so eager to be heard. In the comments let me know some of your favorite albums, and be sure to follow the Spotify playlist I have made for this post!

Becoming X by Sneaker Pimps (1996)

Favorite Tracks:

·        “Tesko Suicide”

·        “Spin Spin Sugar”

·        “Post Modern Sleaze”

·        “Roll on”

Initially released on August 19, 1996, Becoming X  is the debut album of British band Sneaker Pimps and is still their most popular. It is also the only album of their discography to feature lead singer Kelli Dayton before she was asked to leave the band in 1998. When asked what the title of the album meant, Kelli said “X meaning whatever you want it to mean. Also, like generation X, X as a blank. It's a feeling. So, it's really purposefully ambiguous, like the songs are. We've tried letting people use their imagination to make it more personal to them.” And let me tell you, this description could not be more accurate. I first listened to this album somewhat on accident about a month ago when my dad sent me the song “6 Underground”, track three, and it instantly reeled me in. The album, musically, flows so seamlessly, and yet each song offers something new and a different idea to ponder. Maybe this is because of Kelli’s voice and how she chooses to tell each story, or maybe it’s because of the lyrics, which I find to be applicable to many situations. Whatever it is, it W O R K S. The song I find myself going back to most is “Post Modern Sleaze”, track six, written by band starters Chris Corner and Liam Howe. The song opens with the lyric “She looks ahead, she paints her toenails red. She’s Wet and Wild, a typical 90’s child”. The rest of the song tells the melancholy story of a woman stuck in a life of drugs, sex, drama, and a need to fit in, regardless of the damage it causes. Though the song showcases an experience that may be unique to the woman in the story, it also tells a story that is so mainstream, and that is the need to be someone, to be popular, to find your place in society.

The 1975 by The 1975 (2013)

Favorite Tracks:

·        “The City”

·        “Chocolate”

·        “Sex”

·        “Robbers”

·        “Girls”

The 1975 are to thank for the revival of Indi Sleaze and the Tumblr ‘IT’ girl from 2013 to now, 2022. The band first came together in their youth and officially formed The 1975 in 2002. Their self-titled debut album came out September 2, 2013, and almost instantly hit number 1 on UK charts. In my opinion, it is one of the best debut albums EVER made. EVER. Written by band members Matty Healy (lead vocals, keyboard, rhythm guitar), Ross McDonald (bass, keyboard, backing vocals) Adam Hann (lead guitar, keyboard, backing vocals), and George Daniel (drums, backing vocals, production) the album tells a heartbreaking, relatable, humorous, slightly unrealistic, and romantic story of growing up and one’s relationship with life. Matty Healy’s lyricism is also something to be celebrated and recognized, his ability to draw from universal human experiences and start musical conversations about people’s deepest desires and secrets is something so unique to the groups sound, and I think the success of the band overall. One of my favorite examples of this is their song “Robbers”, which tells the story of a toxic romance full of lust and a what can only be described as an addiction to each other. The narrator of the story (aka Matty) opens the song with “She had a face straight out a magazine. God only knows but you’ll never leave her”. Though the lyric gives very little away about the story or even the relationship, it gives the listener a taste of how much underlying love there is within the story. Now, four studio albums later, Matty is still able to draw from this same story, and further connect with audience.

CTRL by SZA (2017)

Favorite Tracks:

·        “Prom”

·        “Drew Barrymore”

·        “Garden (Say It Like Dat)”

·        “Normal Girl”

·        “Doves In The Wind”

 SZA’s debut studio album and probably the best work in her discography, CTRL, is a deeply personal and moving collection of thoughts on sex, modern romance, and a woman’s desires. Released on June 9, 2017, the album soon shook the world of R&B as SZA introduced her take on the genre and gave an example of the next generation of rhythm and blues. Upon the albums debut it hit number three on Billboard’s top 200, and all four album singles (“Garden (Say It Like Dat)”, “Drew Barrymore”, “Love Galore”, “The Weekend”) became certified platinum. However impressive this may all be, I find I love the album for far less technical reasons. On track five, “Prom”, SZA sings “Fearing not growing up, keeping me up at night. Am I doing enough? Feel like I’m wasting time”. I remember first hearing this song, with this OPENING LINE, and thinking to myself, “Wow, I really need to listen to what this chick is saying”. This album is not so personal that its unrelatable, but rather so personal it feels like a telling of a REAL life story. The way SZA was able to recount her private and emotional experiences in a way that is easily adaptable to any person, situation, or romantic relationship is more than musicianship; it is true story telling.

Julie Is Her Name by Julie London (1955)

Favorite Tracks:

·        “Cry Me A River”

·        “I’m Glad There Is You”

·        “Can’t Hep Loving That Man”

·        “I Should Care”

Yet another debut album, Julie London’s album Julie Is Her Name released in December of 1955. There is not much documented on the meaning of this album, why Julie made it, or what the intention was behind the release. But, the opinions of her listeners and critics have close to nothing negative to say about the work. With remarkably simple lyrics and instrumentals, the album plays smooth, easy, and effortlessly. Featuring Barny Kessel on guitar and Ray Leatherwood on bass, each song is quiet and allows room for Julie’s raspy alto voice to shine through and make songs of heartbreak, moving on, female rage, and romance sound like flirty fairy tales. This collection of songs was only the start to London’s 30 album discography, produced from 1955 to 1969, it is also the most recognized and decorated. It is my opinion that her music has spurred the trend of the soft voice, something we hear among the likes of Phoebe Bridgers, Billie Eilish, Lana Del Ray, and Clairo. The songs on this album are also rather modern for their time, reflective of personal, and inner feelings of women and their romantic desires. In a time like the 1950s, when women were viewed as modest and overly emotional beings (not that we’re not STILL viewed as that), Julie’s depiction of a relentless and angry woman who is still in-touch with herself, is impactful; making a large cultural impact amongst women at the time.

Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves by Cher (1971)

Favorite Tracks:

·        “Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves”

·        “The Way Of Love”

·        “Fire & Rain”

·        “One Honest Man”

Originally titled Cher, Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves is the seventh studio album from Cher. Released in September of 1971, the album was her first and most successful of the decade, with only two singles (“The Way Of Love” and “Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves”) which both made the top 10 on the Billboard Top 100 list. The album contains a mix of narrative ballads and covers which help to tell a unique story of growing up and maturity through the eyes of multiple story tellers. Cher’s voice also becomes even more iconic within this album, she began to experiment with a more orchestral sound while also staying true to her androgynous and deep alto roots. Featuring collaborations with Sonny Bono, her husband at the time, the album represented her intimate relationships with production, life, and her career as a soloist. To me, this album is a new way of looking at feminism, with songs like the title track, which follows the life of a 16 year-old Romani girl, being raised on the road and surviving in her own scary and unpredictable world. The song touches on themes of teen pregnancy, abuse, sex, racism and prostitution; all were popular topics of discussion among young people, within pop-culture, and in politics at the time, and surely aided in the overall success of the album.

 Honorable Mentions:

• Nevermind by Nirvana (1991)

• Harry Styles by Harry Styles (2017)

• Ritual de lo Habitual by Jane’s Addiction (1990)

• to hell with it by PinkPantheress (2021)

• Frank by Amy Winehouse (2003)

• Lust For Life by Iggy Pop (1977)

• 30 by Adele (2021)

Waste

A vintage Valentino skirt, with original tags, I found at my favorite consignment shop!

Waste(noun): 1. an act or instance of using or expending something carelessly, extravagantly, or to no end 2. material that is not wanted; the unusable remains or byproducts of something.

The fashion industry holds the title of the third largest polluting industry in the world. Out of 11 sectors which are then broken down into 24 industry groups, then 69 industries, and 158 sub-industries; Fashion is the THIRD LARGEST polluter. Responsible for 100 million tons of oil consumption per year, 10% of global carbon emissions, and 35% of the microplastics in the ocean, the fashion industry is slowly breaking down the environment. At the 2022 UN Climate Conference, it was announced that the world will be in a “climate catastrophe” by the end of the decade. Our own addiction to consuming and producing has sent us into an irreversible spiral. But it doesn’t end there, not only have we drained the earth of its natural resources we have also filled Earth up with all of our leftovers. Over 60% of the clothing made every year is sent to a landfill. If we look specifically at the world of Fast Fashion, brands like Shien, H&M, American Eagle etc., they alone send nearly 40 million tons worth of garments and textiles to landfills or to be incinerated each year. Not to mention the 700-1000 garments they make and put out daily, over half of which are never worn. To put all of this waste into perspective: if all of the clothing factories in the world were to halt production, we would have enough clothes for everyone on Earth for the next 50 years. While over production undoubtably contributes to this problem, it truly stems from the rising trend of excess consumerism. For example, the current consumer class holds around 3 billion of the 7 billion people on Earth. By 2030, this number is supposed to jump to 5 billion.

Production, however, is expensive. With the demand of certain products increasing rapidly, productions have had to find way to cut costs. The first place this cut happens is salary for factory workers. Today over 40 million people live in modern day slavery. Slavery, while still terrible and inexcusable, looks much different now than it did then. Modern day slavery is the “sever exploitation of other people for personal or commercial gain”. And the fashion industry is the second largest contributor. Examples of this within the industry lies primarily overseas, in Middle Eastern and Asian factories. There, some children work 18 hours a day, seven days a week, making less than half of minimum wage. Brands like Shien, are particularly guilty of this. (Best to just avoid Fast Fashion… thrifting is cheaper anyway) So how do we begin to combat this? Well its most important that we begin to sway towards a more sustainable way of production and more ethical business over all. Sustainable fashion, when put simply, refers to a clothing supply chain that is ecologically and socially responsible. This is all achievable but, only practical if all work together. That’s what this boils down to, teamwork. The first, and most important step is saying a swift “Bye-Bye” to all your beloved fast fashion brands. I know, I know, it’s hard and it will be a transition but, it is the best way to ensure we’re on our way to a healthier planet. The next step is to remain conscious of what and where you’re buying. Here are three things to keep in mind while shopping:

1. Be cautious of how you can or should dispose of the item when the time comes. Can the item be repaired? Would it make sense to donate or sell the item? Is there a textile recycling center near you? (Try your darndest to keep clothes away from the trashcan)

2. How is the quality? By checking the fiber content of the garment, looking into the store/brand from which you got the garment, and learning how the garment was made is very important. For example, when buying items made of cotton such as jeans or basic t-shirts, check to see if you’re buying organic cotton. One basic t-shirt takes approximately 3000 liters of water, and one pair of jeans takes about 3781 liters. By purchasing organic cotton you’re not only buying something that is better for you but, better for the Earth.

3. Are there vintage clothing stores near you? In no way is thrifting for everyone but it offers an ethical alternative to buying brand new. Buying second hand is also available in the palm of your hand with apps like Depop, The Real Real, and ThredUp.

The most important thing, out of all of this information, is educating yourself. Take the time to do your research, and move through life with more thought. And fashion is not the only industry that could use more attention. If you want to start living with less impact look at your relationship with waste in your day-to-day life. Find alternatives to single use plastics like zip locks, produce bags, and straws. You can even reduce your emissions when traveling by walking or biking as much as possible and utilizing public transportation. I know this all seems daunting and impossible, but we are capable of changing, of making progress. It’s just a matter of starting the process and being consistent.

-Miss O

My Top Six Favorite Wedding Movies

Julia Roberts and Tom Skerrit in 'Steel Magnolias', 1989.

I think weddings are magical. A day full of love, dreams, and a celebration of life, a wedding is something I strive for. Whether I really want to get married or not, remains a myster­­­y, but boy-oh-boy do I want a wedding. In fact, I have spent my whole life planning my dream day. By attending weddings all throughout childhood, watching every season of Say Yes to the Dress: New York at least three times along with the late and great Four Weddings on TLC, and flipping through my parents wedding album, I was able to grow into somewhat of a wedding expert. It wasn’t until middle school though, that I wanted to be bride.  It all started in sixth grade. I was sitting on the couch with my mom; I think it was fall. There was a fire burning in the stove, and we were trying to pick a movie to watch. She settled on Steel Magnolias with Julia Roberts and Sally Field; it was my first time seeing it. The film is quite beautiful, and quite devastating, but watching Robert’s character prepare for the day of her dreams, wear an extremely puffy 1980s wedding dress, and be enveloped by the colors blush and bashful, will change the trajectory of my life upon watching. It was in that moment I realized my dream of being the bride. Now, a bride is not just a girl who gets married. No, no, no, what is this, the 18th century? Being the bride is a mindset, it is the determination to have a wedding. With this in mind, I have decided to share my top six (five was not enough) favorite wedding movies in order of how badly they make me want to be a bride. Also, all of these movies are a must watch, so please, watch them.

Coming in at number six, we have Father of the Bride starring Steve Martin, Diane Keaton, Martin Short, and Kimberly Williams-Paisley. I will be completely honest; this movie definitely has some patriarchal themes but, if you watch the movie, and just ignore the dated comments, it’s incredible. The story follows the Bank’s family as the oldest daughter, Annie, gets married. It is ultimately a story about a father letting go, but the wedding is to-die-for, and it will have you tearing up. My favorite part is when George (Steve Martin) has a breakdown in the supermarket, over the price of weddings and hot dog buns. However, this film is at number six because it makes me want to get married while my dad deals with all the planning, no way that would go well, more than it makes me want to be a bride. But, if I could, I would get married in my childhood home, just like Annie does.

Number five is Bridesmaids. It should be obvious that this movie is on the list but, if its not, let me tell you why it should be. This is the funniest wedding movie, of all time. Correction, this is the funniest movie about the bridal parties, ever.  The cast is perfect, the wedding is perfect, its funny the whole way through, and the plot is not oversaturated with one theme. It’s a refreshing film about female friendships. And although this movie is probably one of my favorites, it makes me want to be a bride solely to have a laugh. That could just be because Maya Rudolph’s bride goes through the ringer in this film, this is probably due to her maid of honors from hell, played by Rose Byrne and Kristen Wiig. The best scene in this movie involves food poisoning, in a bridal boutique. That is all I will say.

Holding steady at number four is the criminally underrated, Sweet Home Alabama. Starring the icon herself, Reese Witherspoon, this rom com follows a southern bell fashion designer, living in New York City. I don’t want to spoil this movie for those who haven’t seen it, but this story is full of everything you could want in a rom com, everything from the plot to the cast, to the small details is perfect. The overall romantic vibe of the movie is comforting and refreshing. However, as much as I love this movie and the idea of being a rugged southern bride, I would rather be the chic New York bride. Ultimately this movie is fantastic, and I would recommend it to anyone looking for something new.

It should be no surprise that this movie is in the top 3. Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway are the dynamic duo in this movie about childhood dreams and adult friendship. Bride Wars offers a truly bridal experience in the world of wedding movies while also showcasing the drama that is being engaged at the same time as your best friend. This film also offers a good laugh the whole way through as well as an emotional punch at the end to further connect you to the story. My favorite part of this film is when Anne and Kate’s characters are trying to sabotage each other through a string of pranks. But Kate’s Vera Wang dress is the main attraction.

Now, this could be number one, but number two will suffice. Jenifer Lopez plays the main character in what is widely known as one of the best rom coms of all time. Playing a wedding planner with no prospects, Lopez falls for the fiancé of one of her clients, played by Mathew McConaughey. Capturing a wildly romantic energy, this movie offers a funny and nerve racking look at forbidden romance and the desire to be a bride. While the movie may not be about the main characters wedding, it has that bridal theme I have been talking about. Lopez perfectly portrays what I imagine it to feel like when hopelessly in love and wanting so badly to be the one in the wedding rather than planning it. The best part of this movie involves brown M&MS and slow dancing in the dark.

If you dont want your wedding to look just like Bella and Edward’s you’re lying. Coming in at number one, Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1 is not only the best twilight movie, but is also one of the best wedding movies of all time. Although it is not commonly regarded as such, the entire movie revolves around the nuptuals of Bella Swan and her vampire lover Edward Cullen. Growing up watching the Twilight movies, and in an area very close to Forks, I feel like I am connected to this wedding in a way no one else could begin to imagine. Everything about it is perfect, but if I had to pick the best parts I would say, Bella’s dress, the way it is held in the woods surrounded by trees and flowers, and just how perfect for eachother Bella and Edward are. Not to mention Bella is leading my dream life while in a love triangle with a bloody vampire and a werewolf. I would kill for this wedding. I would strongly suggest that you watch this movie with the mindset of it being a wedding movie, it will change the way you watch it forever.

I know this list does not begin to cover all of the great wedding movies out there, but I hope this collection of my favorites reels you into the world that is hopeless romanticism and the need to be a bride.

-Miss O

Honrable mentions:

Darling, I’m Worried.

Official poster for the movie. Photo is from Forbes.

Unless you live under a rock, on a different planet, or are just so severely out of the loop… you have heard at least some of the drama surrounding the new film, “Don’t Worry Darling”. For those reading that are out of the loop, I will give you some highlights but, you have to do further digging on your own. The drama begins when it is announced that Shia LeBeouf has left the film, and Harry Styles will take his place in the cast. Filming begins shortly after, maybe around November or December of 2021. Then, in January, Harry is seen hand-in-hand with director and co-star… OLIVIA WILDE. I am pretty positive that the world stopped for a moment when I saw these pictures, they were literally so traumatizing. This is mainly because of the horrendous outfit Olivia decided to wear to the wedding they were attending. Anyway, moving along to a few months later, filming has now wrapped, Harry is about to begin filming for another film, and him and Olivia are still being seen together. However, rumors are beginning to circulate that it could all be a publicity stunt. Then they went to Italy, took numerous strolls, and toured the world together for his concert series. Now let’s get to the good stuff. Last month, August 2022, Olivia Wilde says in an interview that Shia LeBeouf was fired from her film due to poor behavior. Well let’s just say that Shia practically broke down walls to say he was not in fact fired, he quit. He solidified this statement with texts and videos practically slamming Olivia Wilde, who appeared to be begging Shia to return. This leads us to the drama surrounding Florence Pugh and Ms. Wilde. I don’t have enough time to go into all of the gory details but, Olivia is rumored to have basically given Florence a very uncomfortable working environment and used her relationship with Harry to essentially sell the movie. Because of this, Florence has decided to do as little press for the film as possible.

Okay, now that everyone is caught up just enough, let’s get to the post. This last week, “Don’t Worry Darling’, starring Harry Styles, Florence Pugh, Olivia Wilde, Chris Pine, Nick Kroll, Gemma Chan, and Kiki Layne, premiered at the Venice Film Festival. I am not sure what I expected from this chaotic cast, but it wasn’t what I got. First there was the surprise appearance of Florence Pugh, no one was sure if she would be there due to her not wanting to do press for the film. Then Chris Pine became a meme at the press conference, Gemma Chan was asked no questions, Harry said he loved the movie because “it felt like a movie”, and Olivia denied all rumors in the press. Next it was the palpable flirting between Harry and Nick Kroll on the red-carpet. And once in the theater, Harry seemed to spit in Chris Pine’s lap, which was stated to have not actually occurred. Finally, the kiss that Harry and Nick Kroll shared as the audience stood in applause.

While all of this juicy drama is wildly entertaining, that is not what I am really here to talk about. I want to talk about what these gorgeous Hollywood stars wore. So, get ready, we will be looking at photo call and red carpet looks. It is about to get good.

We’ll start strong with Mr. Harold himself. Styled by the exquisite Harry Lambert, Styles stole the show in all three of his Venice looks. He started with the outfit he arrived at the festival in which was from his new collaboration with Gucci entitled “Gucci HA HA HA”. I really love this look on him, the colors, the silhouette, the bags. It truly fits him so well, and I think it sets a tone for him as a movie star as opposed to some of his other Gucci looks that, somehow, accentuate his look as a musician. His photocall look was just as delicious. Seen here is more from his “Gucci HA HA HA” collection, he and Lambert again execute such a sophisticated and old-fashioned movie star look, that I think is perfect for Styles and the tone of the event. He finished his fashion saga with a tailored Gucci suit. I think this is the best suit I have seen Harry in. The dark navy jacket with shoulder pads, the light blue shirt with the bold collar, and the greyish-blue pants really compliment his shape, and again make him appear as a movie star, rather than the rockstar Harry Styles people typically think of.

Next is the honorable, and spit-free, Chris Pine. If you follow pop culture, then you know Chris Pine has been in his hippie man era, long beard, and all. I love this for him, I really do, but I was ready to see the Chris Pine I had a crush on when I was little, again. And he did not disappoint. While I do think his Ralph Lauren, red carpet look was nice, I feel like I was let down a little bit. This is because his photo call look was EVERYTHING. He showed up in Giuliva Vintage regatta-red trousers, a silk shirt, and navy blazer. This look is so chic in such an effortless, Italian way. But it also added a pop of color to his fairly neutral repertoire. So then, when he stepped onto the carpet in the coffee with cream Ralph Lauren, I was just slightly disappointed. I was hoping for just a little more.

Now, if there is one thing that Miss Florence Pugh can do, it’s a look. However, I don’t love either of these looks. I won’t lie, I have not loved many of her red carpet looks in the last year. I just think they’re a little… underwhelming. I love Florence though so don’t you dare come at me. Anyway, she has recently been working with Rebecca Corbin Murray, who has been putting her in a lot of Valentino. I have no issues with Valentino, I am just starting to be bored with their product. Take her red carpet look for example. I am sorry, but this dress looks like a high-low skater girl dress that I would have seen on my Pinterest board in 2015. Florence’s body type is so, so, so stunning, and I feel like she is just being swallowed up in this dress. From the neckline to the puffy sleeves, to the shorts, and then the open front skirt, I don’t like the dress. And I really wish I did. If I were to change this look, I would lose the sleeves. I would then make the neckline a plunging V with a spaghetti strap. I would them close the skirt, leaving it sheer. The sparkles, I am unsure about. BUT THE SHOES. Love. They arguably save the look. Despite not loving her red-carpet look, her arrival look is not bad. I don’t mind the set, the bag is nice, and again the shoes are slaying. But I am not sure how I feel about purple. I almost with she had maybe chosen a different color.

Gemma Chan. If you don’t know her, you’re way too behind. But, if you do know her, you love her. Because duh. It is safe to say that Gemma understood what needed to be done, and she executed. Well at least she did for her red-carpet look. Her Louis Vuitton look for the photocall didn’t do as much for me as it did for others. While I could see the vision with this look, to me it felt a little messy and ill fitting. I also think that for the location and season, something as bulky as knits and cargo pants, just does not seem right. However, the dress she wore to the carpet, also by Louis Vuitton, stunned me. I don’t typically love what LV does when it comes to red-carpet wear but, the color, fit, and details on this dress just truly look stunning. I hope when the film does come out, she gets a little more recognition for her role than she has had in the press and at the festival.

Now, you can’t tell anyone I just said this… but Olivia Wilde S L A Y E D this film festival. She may be an extremely questionable human being but, she is stunning and sure can wear the hell out of some clothes. She started the premiere of her sophomore film in a gorgeous and slightly edgy Chanel set. I LOVE this look. From the long skirt to the black boots and bralette, to the subtle gold accents, the bold eyeliner, and the color. It’s perfect. I hate to say it but, it goes on my list of favorite press looks for the year. And I hate Chanel. That says a lot. Next, she stepped out in a stunning yellow gown by Gucci, with rhinestone and feather detail. I won’t lie, I hate this color. While it does look very good on her, I feel like she looks like Big Bird. So, if this dress was in any other color, it would be a 10 from me. Overall, she did well. But I still don’t like her.

And with that, I have covered the stars I have wanted to. I encourage you to watch red carpets like this, they are the best source of entertainment and inspiration. Let me know if you would like me to do other reviews like this… they may be my favorite kind of post. In the wise words of Harry Styles and Olivia Wilde:

Treat People With Kindness, and ‘Don’t Worry Darling’.

-Miss O

Watching

 A lovely artist that caught my eye back in February. Photo is my own.

I don’t know what to write about. So, I am people watching. I am essentially procrastinating. I’m bored. Because of this I have decided to just keep people watching and tell you about the people that stick out to me the most. I hope you enjoy, as this is my favorite hobby.

First, I will set the scene. I am sitting at a table alone; three chairs surround me. To my left is a busy coffee bar, and to my right are more tables. Directly in front of me I can see a classroom and where students are coming in and out.

Now for the people:

1.      We’ll call this first-person Sam. Sam is wearing a shirt that is white with pictures on the back. Their hair is short, but long enough to fully cover the back of their head. It is being held back with a pair of sunglasses; black lenses, glold frames. The U.S. Open Men’s Singles match is playing on their laptop… they seem very invested. They’re also drinking an iced coffee, maybe eating a bagel. I am not sure; I can’t tell from here. They intrigue me. Why tennis? Why now, at a table in the fashion building? Did they thrift the shirt or was it bought new? What flavor do they have in their coffee, if any?

2.     Second person… hmmm, they shall be called Jesse. Jesse is sitting in the back of the classroom that is right across form my table. The first thing I notice about them is how bored they seem. Like they just yawned four times. BORED. Jesse is interesting for reasons other than just seeming bored. They have long black hair and very prominent eyebrows. From where I sit, they seem to be wearing a denim button down shirt, a strange choice considering its 90 degrees outside. They also keep zoning out at the back of the girl sitting in front of them. She’s in a few of my classes, so I recognize her. She’s wearing a white T-shirt. A much more rational choice. Bac to Jesse, I don’t think they’re staring, because they still seem uninterested in their surroundings. I think Jesse is just well, bored. I picked Jesse because being bored is relatable. I also can’t help but ask myself what it is they’re learning that’s so boring; it causes one to yawn four times in a row.

3.     My next victim is Joe. They chew with their mouth open, and for a very long time. The last bite of their bagel was chewed for at least 30 seconds. I feel like that’s a long time to chew. Joe is sporting a dusty pink color knit pullover, jean shorts, and NIKE Blazers. Their keychain as a mini stuffed moose on it, cute. Joe is not working on anything but, their laptop is on the table. They are periodically taking a sip of their coffee and then looking around. I wonder what Joe is looking at. I wonder what I look like to Joe. Do you think Joe knows I am noticing them?

4.     Karen is next. Their given name is self-explanatory. She is wearing a yellow, white, and blue top with some sort of color block/polka dot pattern on it. It makes my eyes hurt. With the top she is slaying the day in a straight leg faded low rise jean that could be too long for her. She is short too and her back hunches slightly. Dear God, is that what I will look like when I’m her age? I have terrible posture. Anyway, she was carrying her reading glasses and cell phone with her left hand, right hand free. She came and left very quick. She didn’t say anything. Why? Who knows, Karen(s) are weird.

5.     Last is a duo, we’ll call them Sonny and Cher. I can’t tell if they’re just friends or if something is bubbling between them. If there is something going on between them, I think they look nice together. Cher has lots of dark female energy happening but, still seems nice, affectionate. Sonny hasn’t stopped looking at Cher. I would say he’s smitten. They both have good style, very similar to one another. Cher is saying hi to someone now, and Sonny is just sitting by, watching her. It’s really quite nice. They are both drinking the same beverage, unsweetened Pure Leaf green tea. I hope they’re happy. I wonder if they just met. Maybe they’re still just friends. Only time will tell.

I think people watching is my favorite thing to do because you get a small and intimate glimpse at a person, at their life. And I love the curiosity it sparks in me. That’s all I really have to say this week. I promise more to say next week… possibly a Venice Film Festival red carpet review? Let me know your thoughts. Now, go people watch.

-Miss O

The Secret Ingredient…

The beautiful, gorgeous pie I made:)

Strawberry rhubarb pie is arguably the best kind of fruit pie. It smells like eternal happiness, citrus, butter, and love. Its my favorite. Every year for my mom’s birthday, my grandma makes her our families strawberry rhubarb pie. It’s something we don’t really eat other than around that time now that I think about it. So, it holds a special place in my heart. About a week ago, I decided that I was craving a slice, but I refused to eat any other pie other than my grandam’s recipe. So, I made one. I want to preface by saying I don’t like to bake. I love to cook but, baking is a whole other beast. I want to follow that up by saying I have never once made a pie, of any kind, 100% by myself from scratch. This naturally meant that the top crust had to be latticed. My adventure began with wanting to do a lattice crust and my knowledge of my grandma’s secret ingredient. Pretty good start if you ask me.

However, I don’t want to bore you with the details by explaining my step-by-step process, which would in turn give away the secret ingredient, so instead I will tell you what was going through my brain. Since the chopping of the strawberries and the rhubarb was going smoothly, I decided to put on the latest season of Love Island UK, a show everyone must watch. As the drama was ensuing and lads were being lads, I started to wonder what being in a situation like that would be like. Would I really be able to fall for a person? Is it possible to even trust an environment like that? Would I end up being self-conscience? By this time, I had finished chopping everything up, and I was starting on the crust. I was pouring the water bit-by-bit into the flour mixture and questioning my baking abilities, when I realized the questions I had been having about my show were quite applicable in the life I am already leading, just with a few minor tweaks. Will I really love the career I want now by the time I am in it? And, is it possible to trust an industry such as fashion? And the only answer I could fester up is, I have no idea. I would love to say yes, I will become a stylist and editor, I will be the new Anna Wintour, I will be fashion royalty. I would love to say yes, the industry is trustworthy, I don’t need to worry about being the best right now, I will have time to grow and to prove myself. But I can’t say those things. I can only say maybe.

From crust I moved back to the filling, I measured out the flour and sugar, added the lemon, the secret ingredient, and dotted with butter, so far, so good. I then entered into a battle with my lattice top.  As I cut the strips, my contemplations continued. I decided then and there to give myself the grace of being indecisive. I allowed for my “Oh how cool would it be if I did that?!” thoughts, to sink in. I let myself think about screenwriting. For about a month now, I have been trying to choose just what part of the industry I want to get into, and what form of artistic expression I am most drawn to. Fashion/editorial, or fashion/film. As of right now I am ready to drop everything magazines and dive into the realm of creating other worlds. I want to make something that tells a story, and changes lives. And its not to say magazines don’t do that but, do you ever read a magazine, get to the end and think, “wow, I think my life just changed”? No, you don’t. But with movies, well, I know I do that almost every day. 

Figuring this out though, its scary for me. For years now, I have known exactly what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, and what I wanted my image to look like. And right now, it feels like all of those things are being flipped onto their heads. I ask myself if maybe I’m indecisive but then I remind myself that now is the time for me to change my mind. Except I feel like I am drowning in the pressure I have put on myself to already have everything figured out. To be perfectly put together. In the end though, no one is perfect. Not even pies. My pie was perfect though, lets make that clear. She came out of the oven latticed to perfection, with a sticky tart center, and perfectly crisp crust. I think by making this pie, I proved to myself that the good things in life take patience, and effort. That a good life, pie, piece of writing, and even a career take years of indecisiveness, and secret ingredients. I learned whatever I do, it will be perfect. It just needs to bake at 425 for 35-40 min, or until golden brown.

-Miss O

Angry… Like a Girl!

My lovely friend, Mia, sported this sign at our schools abortion protest:) Picture by me

Roe v. Wade was overturned on Friday, June 24th. Today is Thursday, June 30th and I have been working on this post since Saturday. I have been having long conversations, reading so many people’s stories, and educating myself. I have gotten into fights with people and been told I am too young to understand. I think this is interesting because, how is one too young to understand the importance of privacy? I mean, aren’t we told as children we need to keep our hands to ourselves, to set boundaries, to ask “is it okay if I touch you?” or “can I do this with/to you?’ before the action does or does not happen. And with that, I think, comes a moral stance within society… if that makes any sense. I find myself on the correct moral side. I think that EVERYONE has the equal right and opportunity to decide what happens to their own bodies. That they have a choice. However, this is where I struggle. I find myself wondering how to start the conversation, without being hateful or resentful. Because the right to an opinion goes hand and hand with the right to your own body. So, how am I too young to understand, to have an opinion? How are my answers inadequit? How could I be too passionate? Am I simply not old enough? Is it because I am a girl? Because I am angry… like a girl?

For many years, passionate women of all ages, have been fighting for a seat at the infamous table. Our mothers, aunts, great grandmothers, and friends have fought for women today to be worthy of independence. I decided to include some moments, specifically in American History, where women showed up and showed out.

• On March 31, 1776, First Lady Abigail Adams wrote her husband, so he would “remember the ladies and be more generous and favorable to them than your ancestors. Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the husband. Remember all men would be tyrants if they could”.  I find it interesting that now, 200+ years later, our nation has failed to live up to her request. Am I saying that her words are perfect? No but, I think she states facts that we are all somewhat familiar with. Men, especially of power, have and will continue to have control over women, and for what? Personal gain?

• The first ever women’s rights convention, organized by women, was next. Held  July 19-20, 1848, men and women gathered in order to sign the Declaration of Sentiments. This is the event that led up to the Women’s Suffrage Movement and the eventual passing of the 19th Amendment.

• Margaret Sanger opened the first birth control clinic on October 16, 1916. Though Margaret faced many challenges when it came to her clinic, including it being shut down numerous times for “legal reasons”, she persisted. This gave women then and now access to healthcare that is necessary for some to live a full life. In 1921, she founded the American Birth Control League, something we now know as Planned Parenthood. People often associate Planned Parenthood with abortions but, they do so much more than that. They provide healthcare to men and women alike that may not be able to access it otherwise, they help with STD testing and treatment, and they offer sexual health education. So, thank you Margaret.

From May 1960-July 1964, three events happened in our country which were MAJOR for our women…

•  The FDA approved the first ever commercially produced birth control pill. Why it took this long I have no idea.

• JFK signed the equal pay act. This prohibits “sex-based wage discrimination”. While this was a major improvement in our nation’s Government, we still seem to have “sex-based wage discrimination” in many fields including, but not limited to, entertainment, trade, law, medicine, etc.

• Lyndon B. Johnson putting the Civil Rights Act was for more people than just women but, it put a ban on not offering someone employment based off of their sex, race, or religion. Again, not to say these issues don’t still exist today, but at the time, a moment like this meant everything.

Finally, we have one of the most controversial decisions ever made by the United States Supreme Court, Roe v. Wade. With an astonishing 7-2 victory, the court granted women the constitutional right to an abortion, under the 14th Amendment. That being the right to privacy. However, as I already mentioned, this right has been stripped from women. Now, in 26 states, abortion is illegal. A woman’s right to privacy, to her body, to her own free will has been revoked. For me, the fact this is even up for debate is astonishing. A man’s right over his body would never be taken away but, because a woman can carry a child, her right is dissolved. This is not only a lack of education within our nation’s leaders, but it is also blatant disregard to people in need. To women who can’t afford to find another way out. This is NOT about the babies being lost, or the moral nature of abortion, or even about pregnancy at all. This is a war on women.

Many people have been claiming the title of “Pro-Life”, except I don’t feel they truly understand the weight of that title. They claim to want what is best for the baby, they say they would take the baby, that adoption is an option, but, are they forgetting the thousands of children, even babies, that are already stuck in the fucked-up system? If they cared about life, they would work towards ending childhood hunger, focus on bettering children’s education and access to healthcare. If it was really about life, they would want to protect the women in poverty who can’t afford to travel for their abortion, who don’t have the insurance necessary to cover contraception. And if they really were pro-life, they would teach their sons not to be dogs, to keep their hands to themselves, wear a condom, and ask before doing.

Pregnancy, sex, and abortions are always put onto the girl. Every damn time. A teen girl gets pregnant, well it’s because she was sleeping around, which makes her a whore. Then, she gets pregnant, so she has an abortion, now she’s a murderer. All the while “Tony” is out with his buddies laughing about how he laid that girl and how she really wanted it, and that no way could he handle a kid right now because of all the schools that want him on their team next year. This same cycle is seen with women in domestic abuse situations, it is seen in divorce settlements, and single mothers working 5 jobs. Worst of all though, the little girl who just had to stay quiet, so no one wakes up in the house. If she gets pregnant, would she be a murderer too? Are you beginning to understand the gravity of the situation? Do you see that this is not really about abortions? It is about women just trying to survive.

So, if you’re reading this and you find yourself worrying about the life of an unborn child, I ask that you instead think of the life of the mother. A person with dreams, hopes, and fears, just like you. I also ask that you reflect on this, one in six women will be or have been a victim of rape. If your friend was one of those women, how would you react, what would you do? I now raise you this, everyone knows at least one person closely or as an acquaintance who has had an abortion of any kind. You may not know who this person is by name but, if they came to you, trusting you as a friend, what would you do? Would your opinion of them change?

Lastly, I want to address three specific Justices, Amy Coney Barrett, Brett Kavanaugh, and Clarence Thomas. Fuck you. FUCK YOU. Amy, I hope you have been reviewing the five freedoms and saying extra prayers, because it’s a sin to not “love they neighbor”. Clarence, I hope you realize that by coming after the 14th Amendment you’re attacking your own mixed-race marriage. Oh, and how are those girls you paid to keep quiet? Do any of them have abortions. Did you buy them a Plan B, or did you wear condom? Who am I kidding, of course you didn’t because you can’t even keep it in your pants long enough! Same for you Brett, I hope you have been working on your vocab cards, because no… well it means no. Say hi to Trump for me asshole. And to the U.S. Government/SCOTUS, when will men hungry for violence towards women stop being put into office? When will the number of old ass disgusting little geezers go down? And when in the hell will we have separation of church and state? Because aren’t our justices supposed to act, without bias, for the good of our country, upholding the constitution?

We are at a point in our nation’s history where the lives of women and children are in danger. Beside them stand trans men and women, people of color, and those in same sex marriages. They are not a political war ground, they are beautiful, LIVING, and breathing bodies. They are truly pro-life. These are the ones that make up “the home of the brave, and the land of the free”. We must all come together to not only fight for laws but also fight for the fundamental right to life. What anyone does with their bodies, with their sexuality, or with their voice is no one else’s decision other than their own nor should it ever be a political matter. I ask you to please educate yourself. Read women’s stories, look into ways to help those in closed states, and most importantly, live and love. We will win this fight.

-Miss O

How Does One “Adult”?

This is the inside of Luigi, the Toyota Tercel. I proudly took this picture. 

Within my lengthy break from this blog, I have taken some major steps into the world of adulting. This has probably been the scariest, most fun, and nauseating month of my life. From moving back home for the summer, to having my first failed job interview, signing my very first lease to an apartment, and lastly buying a car, I feel like I have pretty much girl bossed my way to the top of the adulting pyramid. However wonderful all these things may be, I can’t help but feel so extremely overwhelmed by the concept of the word adult. I think this is because the people in my generation haven’t really been taught how to deal with the fiscal part of being an adult. Sure, we know how to tackle a political situation, and yeah, we can tear the shit out of someone with a single comment on Instagram but, I think the generations before us did a poor job of preparing us for the things that most would say “really matter”. For example, my sister often brings up the question “Why don’t we learn things like how to pay taxes, or how to get a loan, in high school?”, and this is a great question. As soon as you graduate high school, it is almost like you’re expected to know exactly how all of that stuff works. I am not saying that no one my age knows how to invest, build credit, pay taxes, or manage loans, but I am saying that the majority of people my age were busy being kids and then as soon as they turned 18, were just supposed to go and do it with no prior knowledge. Now you can correct me if I am wrong in saying this but, isn’t that a little bit… unfair?

I think about this idea a lot when I think about having to build my career and real adult life once I am out of college. I see the people who have had kids in high school, or who are getting married really young, and I just can’t help but to ask myself how they’re doing it all or how they even know what they are doing. Because when I spend too much time on my dream home Pinterest board, I swear I start to have major anxiety thinking about how I will even begin to afford any of it. I think that all of my fear around adulting though is not a fear of whether or not I can actually do it and succeed, it is more so a fear that I won’t be able to learn everything I need to in the right amount of time. This kind of ties back into the question my sister asks, and my only answer to it is I don’t know. I find it ironic really that we’re granted the greatest pleasure of getting to rebuild our country and save our planet yet, I don’t feel like we have been given the proper knowledge to do so.

To somehow answer my title question though, I will now list some ways in which I have learned to “Adult” and how they have worked out for me. Please do enjoy!

1. I bought a car: Just a week-ish ago, I purchased a 1984 Toyota Tercel. This the first car I have ever bought and considering how it is going it may be my last. I know that it is a 38-year-old car, and it is bound to have some quirks but, I have never had so much stress because of an inanimate object in my entire life. Don’t get me wrong though, I love my car. His name is Luigi.

2. I signed a lease on an apartment: Around the same time as buying Luigi, I signed my very first lease on an apartment. Due to some shitty things that happened at the very end of this last school year, I was put into a sticky situation in terms of housing. So, when a spot opened up in an off-campus apartment, it was the perfect opportunity for me to gain some more independence and also not be homeless. Now, while somewhat scarerd, I am so excited to have my very own bathroom, a full kitchen, and a washer/dryer IN THE UNIT. I’ll say it… it is a slay.

3. I lost a job: This one is the most frustrating experience on the list. For the past several months I have been in the process of getting a job at a very famous department store. When I was finally put down for an interview to be interning as an assistant to a personal stylist, I was stoked. I went to the interview and NAILED it. But, due to some scheduling issues they were unable to give me the job. Now, I could say all of my feelings on the matter and really dive into the way in which I was informed I didn’t get the job, but then this Blog would go from PG-13 to R pretty quick.

4. I don’t have a curfew anymore: Last but not least, the most underrated and weirdest part of being a so-called adult, no curfew. Although I have been blessed with pretty great parents, I always had a curfew before I turned 18. And even though I love my bed and sleep far too much to stay out at all hours of the night, it is quite the euphoric moment I have knowing my sister can’t come and go as she pleases without having to tell mom and dad where she is going (PSA I always tell where I am going, I just don’t have to ask… and that makes me feel so cool). No matter how cool of a feeling, it is also so weird. I sometimes forget I am technically an adult meaning that I am completely responsible for myself… sometimes I don’t think that I should be.

Please take this post seriously and also with a grain of salt. No matter how stressful adulting is, I am so lucky and blessed to be able to be at this point in my life, and I cannot wait for what is to come.

On a side note, I will be making some edits to the page, such as different sections for things I want to share with you all, as well as getting the comments to work. I have had some people aksing me if they’re on, and they are supposed to be, so I will be figuring all of that out this summer. So, stay tuned, and I promise it won’t be another month before I post again.

-Miss O

Making Her Proud

5-year-old me in ballet class:) My mama took this picture

Yesterday I was sitting on the corner of 29th and 7th in NYC with my dad. I was drinking a smoothie and he was enjoying his first ever REAL New York bagel. We sat in relative silence, watching the passer-byers, and pointing out the strangers we found most interesting. It was a beautiful moment, but also one of deep reflection and mourning. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to live in New York, be a fashionista, and look like I have lived there my whole life. And while I may not look like I lived there my whole life, I began to realize that I am in fact very well on my way to being the woman that I always wanted to be as a little girl. This, I think, is the most beautiful thing. Especially for girls and women in this country, considering how hard we have had to work (and unfortunately have to continue to work) in-order to prove to ourselves and to society that we belong where we have struggled to get. Within this moment I had, I began to wonder if the 10-year-old me, looking at dresses on the Oscar’s red carpet and playing dress up with her Barbie, was proud of me. I am not sure if what I am about to say makes any sense but, I often feel like more than one version of myself exists in reality. I may have touched on this in earlier posts so bear with me. Within New York/at college exists the Olyvia I have been constructing over the last 18 years. She is the woman that I love and cherish and would protect with everything in me. But back at home, there are 3 different Olyvias who are stuck in this strange limbo inside of my own consciousness.

The first Olyvia is the one my parents welcomed into the world and cherished alone until my sister was born. She is the Olyvia I worry the least about. I know that she was happy, I know she was healthy, I know she was essentially the Olyvia that laid down the foundation for the Olyvia I am now. I don’t think of her often enough I will admit, but I think that is because I know she is okay, she is the most of who I am. She is the one I am the most grateful for. Youngest Olyvia is waiting for me to finally be secure in myself, and not the other way around.

Fishing with daddio when I was 2! Pic is by my mama <3

Next is my favorite, adolescent Olyvia. Though this is the Olyvia I carry the most of still, she is not what I would call the foundation. She is more so a girl who fell into a roll and tried to preform the duties placed upon her to the best of her abilities. I think this Olyvia struggled the most with herself without really knowing it. She wanted people to like her, she loved music and science and history. She wanted to study the oceans and become a mermaid. And most importantly, she just wanted to grow up. I think I mourn this Olyvia the most. I wish she had known it is okay to take time to grow up and out of our childhood loves and desires. I wish she knew the bad things happening in her family weren’t her fault. I wish she knew the pain of everyone else, was not hers to carry. Hell, I wish I knew that now. This Olyvia is the most diverse in her interests. She made the leap of wanting to be a marine biologist, to a fashion designer, to an editor, and then to some famous woman in the fashion industry. She learned to sing and got good at it, she liked to go swimming, went SCUBA diving, and wore her hair long and messy. She was the coolest one of us. But like I said, she just wanted to grow up. And so, she did. Adolescent Olyvia, she faded away.

Me, age 10, at sleep-away camp. My mom took this pic:)

Enter my greatest sadness, highschooler Olyvia. This girl is one of many sorrows, struggles, and conflictions. I think I try my best now to avoid her and to forget about her. She carried a weight so large I am surprised her knees did not buckle from the pressure. This Olyvia is the one I feel the most guilt towards. If me now could go and tell her that eating a sandwich won’t kill her or loving that one boy as much as she does is only going to crush her, I would. Because she deserved everything, I could never give her. She was so tired, she was hungry, she was sad, she was lonely, and she just wanted to disappear. It is hard for me to write about now because I remember being her. I remember being afraid to tell my parents that I went days without eating out of fear that they would be upset with me. I remember suppressing my own sexuality because I was embarrassed of who I really was out of fear that others would not accept the raw versions of myself. I remember using my body and my looks as a way of gaining attention in order to feel, what I thought was, real human connection out of fear I couldn’t have one any other way. I think this is also around the time that I began to realize I didn’t want to grow up anymore, I just wanted to remain stagnant. My God-sister was born during this time, and I remember going to her mom and telling her that I felt June-Bug (her nick-name) was a sign from the Universe, Mother-Nature, my sub-conscience, or maybe even God, that I needed to slow down. I needed to live, to stay, and to continue to let myself grow. So, I did. Or I tried. I cut out toxic friendships, I got a job in the industry that is my true calling, I spent more time with my mom. I started writing, and I realized I was so much more than what others wanted me to be.  But then high school was over, and it felt like the world just started to fall down around me, like my biggest fear had come true. I had grown up after-all.

Me at 15, shortly before I chopped all of my hair off. My best friend took this. 

At this point however I am only left with myself. I have grown up, and while we never truly stop growing, I have grown out of the childhood I once wore. Just like the clothes I have grown out of, it has been cast aside, and never worn again. And isn’t that heartbreaking? All of the childhood dreams I had, and the need to be a grown up has been fulfilled. All my dreams now and all of the things I hope to, and will accomplish, are things this Olyvia is waiting for. I think in a way I hate coming to terms with that. I hate the idea of being 19 in roughly a month. The last of my teenage years. I hate thinking about how I will be completely independent from my parents in about five years, and how in ten years I will have a solid career within the industry. It’s funny to me that all of these thoughts came to me while drinking a mediocre smoothie at a sidewalk table in New York, but I think that’s just the way it is now. I will forever be the current version of myself over and over again because we are always changing, and I will always mourn the past versions of myself. But I think the Olyvias who formed me are the ones I will always carry with me, care for, and hope they are proud of me. But maybe that’s just me.   

I guess all I have left to say is regardless of my feelings about growing, I am grateful, I am determined, and I am me. In every form. I am the little one, I am the growing one with responsibilities, I am the ocean lover and the singer, I am the fashionista and the writer, and I am the sad yet ever joyful one. I am Olyvia. Who are you?

-Miss O

The Slap Heard ‘Round The World

So the Oscars were on Sunday. If you know me, you know that my entire personality is rooted in my love for all things drama, pop culture, and Hollywood. Since I can remember I have sat on the couch with my mom through every award show during award season. I have heard monologue upon monologue and seen the internet get broken and then broken again. I have spent so many years perfecting the craft of loving Hollywood and the stars that is houses. So imagine my utter disgust when a man who I have watched, admired, and listened to my whole life, slapped another man I have also seen in the media my entire life on live television, on Hollywood’s biggest night. I know that many people are taking sides or remaining indifferent, but I want to bring up another conversation other than, “Well, Jada and Will Smith have a bad relationship”, “Jada has alopecia”, “It was just a joke Chris made, he might not have known”. Sure, maybe all of those things are true, but what about this, Will Smith got up and walked on stage and slapped Chris Rock across the face, and then sat back down and shouted profanities at him. I don’t care what Chris said, nor do I really care how it affected Will or Jada (hate me for that if you want to). What I care about are the kids like me who are growing up watching these people, and see violence be treated like it is an okay thing.

This act by Will was inappropriate for many reasons but, the reason that sticks out to me the most is this: Will Smith is a so called “Preacher of Love”. I don’t know about you, but my mom taught me that hate and anger solves nothing, that LOVE conquers all. I would never think to express my emotions by publicly assaulting someone. As he himself said in his acceptance speech for Best Actor (an extremely high honor might I add) he wants to ooze love and that it is what he values most. Riddle me this Will: is violence love? Incase you can’t think of the answer, it is no. Never. The next thing that bothers me the most about this whole situation, is he wins the award and EVERYONE gets up and applauds for this man and his SIX MINUTE speech like he didn’t just ASSAULT somebody on live television. He should have had the award taken away before he even got it. I actually brought this up to a friend of mine, how I think his award should be taken away, and he brought up something far more interesting. Harvey Weinstein.

As a woman I could say A LOT about the academy award winning serial sex offender, but I will keep to my point. In a recent Vogue article, they touch on the fact of the Film Academy never revoking someone’s award. Not even Harvey Weinstein, who raped several women. Instead he was expelled from the association. Even though other associations such as BAFTA and the Tony awards revoked his awards and expelled him. Tell me I am not the only one who sees a problem with this. Yet the Oscar given to Will smith, which was rightfully earned for his role in “King Richard”, might be revoked. Although I think it should be, it seems suspicious to me, but that could be a totally different conversation. However, it still seems to me that violence is being celebrated by the press, by the Oscars, and by the audience in there that night. How are we supposed to move into an age of acceptance and forgiveness and love if we cannot celebrate artists without one of them assaulting someone else.

This brings me to my final issue. Celebrities like Jim Carrey and Zoe Kravitz both spoke out about the situation in their own ways. Jim Carrey confronting the issue in an interview basically saying that even if what Chris Rock said was wrong, violence (public violence at that) is NEVER the answer, that Will Smith should be beyond embarrassed and apologetic of his actions. Kravitz was a little more subtle with a simple Instagram caption saying “here’s a picture of my dress at the award show where we are apparently assaulting people on stage now”. Because of this, viewers almost instantly took to twitter and started bashing these actors for not only their personal opinions, but for not supporting Will and his impulsive actions. I just find it hard to respect people that condone such violence and public disrespect from people who are supposed to be highly acclaimed professionals. I don’t want this post to be read as some sort of gossip article or hate towards either party involved. I want this to be a wake up call. So much violence and physical harm is ignored and/or praised in order to spare feelings or to simply avoid further problems, but the avoidance is a problem in and of itself. We need to do better. Hollywood needs to do better.

-Miss O

The Untouchables

Gucci storefront on Rodeo Drive in LA!! Photo is my own

Do we put too much feeling and importance into the lives of our celebrity counterparts? Do people that are famous take up too much of our necessary energy and brain space? Do we love celebrities too much? While the answer to all of these questions is so obviously “Yes, yes we do.”, the answer is also so obviously “No, why would you ask that?”. Maybe this is because within every generation everyone has a different answer but, even then, how could that be so. For example, if we look back upon Elvis Presley, Marilynn Monroe, Johnny Cash, and even Elizabeth Taylor, we can see some sort of familiarity to the celebrities we seem to celebrate and idolize now. Maybe things are more complex now than they were when these legends roamed the streets, and maybe we have celebrities that are seemingly famous for no reason now-a-days, compared to then. Isn’t that interesting? Just some food for thought before I get to my point… which, I will do now.

In 2020 the world got diagnosed with a killer virus. You may not have heard of it, it’s called Covid-19 (again you may not have heard of it… it is super underground). Anyway, when this happened, I lost what I would call my entire social life. I became depressed, I stayed in bed a lot, I ate really badly, and I was desperate for some kind of connection. One day, I was scrolling on TikTok, and a video of Harry Styles came on. I sat and watched it and I thought, “wow I haven’t listened to him in so long”. I had always been a fan of him, I even had tickets to his concert , that would later get rescheduled, and then rescheduled again because of Covid. So, I closed out of the app, and I played a song called ‘Sweet Creature’. It is probably my all time favorite song of his. I am not completely sure what it is about, some say it’s about one of his ex lovers, maybe his sister, or even a childhood friend. But if you ask me, it is a song he wrote to his younger self. I think the song is about loving, losing, growing, and learning. It’s gripping. So, I played another song of his, and another, and then another after that. This soon became a pattern. I started to pay attention to his public life, interesting facts about him, I started to listening to One Direction again, I bought merchandise and had pictures of him adorning almost every surface of my room. Was I obsessed? Yeah, I probably was. But, I was mostly in awe of him. He had become my closest friend, and I had never met him. I told him secrets and cried with him. I would tell my friends that I loved him, because I did. Call me crazy if you want, but Harry, he meant the world to me.

Two days after Harry preformed at the Grammy’s in March of 2021, so about a year after Covid started, someone I didn’t know followed me on Instagram. I followed her back. She seemed cool, a little bit older then me, but most importantly, she was a fan of Harry also. This is important because, at the time, she was the only person I would have as a friend, that loved Harry as much as I did. So, I sent her a message. I won’t get into all the gory details, but since then, Brianna and I have become, and stay BEST of friends. All because of some British guy who sings about fruit, and wears nail polish. I think that is what I love the most about Harry. He has this way of bringing people, from all religions, races, sexualities, genders, and cultures together in one beautiful and perfect space. He has truly changed so many lives. However, to every positive, there is a negative. As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, celebrities now are idolized sometimes to a point of it being unhealthy. No, I am not talking about myself when I say that, but rather the small percentage of people that push fans like me into a bad light. When fans become obsessive, impulsive, and fame driven, the fandom and the person being fantasized over are unsafe. This is not something though that just Harry Styles and his fans face, it can be seen from celebrities like the Kardashians, all the way to Marvel actors, and even social media influencers. This is the difference between celebrities now and then. Sure, there were crazy fans, horrible accidents, and overall chaos then. But, when you mix money, looks, talent, an Instagram handle, and a horny teenager, you get something totally new and dangerous… and that’s Gen Z.

Sometimes I wish I had been alive then. To scream at the stage that Elvis danced on, to see Marilyn on a red carpet and hoped she would notice me, to listen to the record on the radio for the first time. I think it all seems so much more simple, with so much less hurt. I say hurt because when Harry’s tour got changed for the last time, the tickets I once bought for the Washington show, were essentially worthless to me. I had waited for 2 1/2 years to see this man that had changed my life, and I couldn’t. All the crazy fans who only wished to follow him all over the world, and rob others of the chance to see him just once, had taken all the tickets. I settled. But, then, by some fucking miracle, I got a solo ticket for his first night at Madison Square Garden. It wasn’t nearly as good of a ticket as I originally had, but I was going to see him. And that’s all that mattered. Here is photo evidence:

Harry Styles in Gucci. Night 1, MSG in New York City... Photo is mine. 

I want to start my conclusion by saying that I have not written this post to claim my title as a fan of Harry Styles. Nor have I done it to bash anyone who is a psycho crazy fan. I am simply doing it to say, I hear you. My generation is questionable when it comes to our love of celebrities, but not all of us are doing it just to stir up dust or to cause anyone trouble. Most of us are doing what our grandparents did best. We are loving the creators of life changing art. Harry Styles is someone to me that he may not be so any other person, and that is okay. Do I love him too much? Yes. Do I acknowledge it is strange how much I know about him, and how committed I am to his legacy? Yes. Do I know that I will probably never meet him? Yes. Is that going to stop me from ever writing about him again or talking about him? Nope. Just how people like Norman Rockwell, Meryl Streep, and even Elvis Presley have changed and maybe even saved the lives of many, Harry has done that for me. So next time you wonder whether or not someone is fangirling a little too much, know that they probably are, but don’t assume you know their reasons for doing so. Stan who you want, just be safe… don’t make it weird. OH! And Treat People With Kindness… it is just the right thing to do.

-Miss O

To Be a Sunset Child

Me with a sunset:) Photo by Julia!

Sunsets are probably the most mediocre thing I could possibly write about. But I am going to anyway. Since I was a child, I have felt like sunsets were made for me. I know that is not at all true, and people everywhere see and love sunsets everyday, but I experience them deep in my soul. There is something about the oranges, the yellows, the pinks and purples, the blues and even the reds that help me realize I am alive. That this is all real. About two years ago now I was on a drive with my best friend back home and we came to a spot where the sunset hit the water just right. We had to stop. It was also around this time that I was beginning to figure out exactly what I wanted to go to college for. I had been waffling between science and music. Music and fashion. Fashion and science. I think deep down I knew it would be fashion, but I needed something to really show me that was the way to go. My friend and I sat there, talking about our job, the kids at school we liked or didn’t, what boys we thought were cute, and of course, just like every other junior in high school, what the fuck we wanted to do when we graduated. If my memory proves correct, it was here that I said I wanted to go into fashion merchandising. Under some pink and yellow sky, the future was born. It is crazy to think back and see all the pivotal moments I had while under a sunset. This one night though, I think reigns supreme.

If we go back to the beginning, where I say that I have been a lover of the setting sun since my early years, maybe I can break down why that is. I don’t personally remember this, but there is a story from a road trip with my family. My parents were up front, and my sister and I were buckled in the back. The sun was setting between islands in the Puget Sound, and I said “Mama, that is where Jesus lives.” as I pointed out at the sky. Although my faith may not be what it once was, I admire the confidence I had, and the security behind the observation. In some ways it is true I think, but now I just think it is true in a different way. Sunsets are an experience of love, of conversation, and of growth. How COOL is that? Something that seems so insignificant is really, in a way, the foundation of my youth. Another sunset memory… on one of my last days at home before I moved away for college, Ellie and I went on one of our routine Dairy Queen runs. We got our ice cream and headed back home, but on our way home drove up the hill past our house to try and catch the last bit of the sunset before it drifted down past eyesight. It was quick and it was not as dramatic of a view, but I still think about it. A silent moment with my little sister before our whole life became what are now memories. Sunsets are chapters in a book. They happen frequently and they happen quickly so you have to make sure to soak up every possible detail before you turn the page.

My mom encouraged me to be a sunset child. I think she just knows I love them so much. When I finally got my drivers license, I would go on long drives almost daily. It became an even bigger pattern when my mental health began to get questionable. That is when she started asking if I needed to see the sunset. If I need that time to think, reflect, and just be. It makes me emotional to think about now, because she still asks me if I have been to see the sun recently. It is almost like she knows how much I need it. This is where we get to the picture above. For spring break my three closest friends from school and I decided to get away to Cape Cod, just for a few nights. Don’t get me wrong, I was stoked to be going away with friends alone for the first time, but I was also excited to go to the beach, run on the sand, and just stand and look at the golden colored sky. I hope they read this and learn why exactly I was squealing like a toddler on the beach when I noticed that the clouds were turning pink. I was simply resetting. Rejuvenating one could say.

As I write this I feel sort of silly. I don’t want people to read this and think “no way could she really love a sunset this much” or “she is just telling a story”. However, I also shouldn’t feel apologetic for something I love and brings me clarity. So I will probably write about sunsets again, and I will continue to love them, and I will continue to be a sunset child. Because I want to. Because I can. So go look at the sunset, it might do you some good.

-Miss O

The 10 Things I Think About

A stranger in a museum. Photo is mine.

This post won’t be long. And it won’t be much of a literary work. I am simply going to give a detailed list of things I have been thinking about deeply recently, and then leave you with a sort of discussion question. (You don’t actually need to have a discussion about the question, I just don’t know what else to call it.) So, here we go.

1. I think that there are songs that exist in the universe of music that are perfect. This means that they encompass every feeling I think is possible within the human experience. I also think that everyone has their own ideas of the songs they find perfect, and I think these songs can change over time. My top 5 perfect songs right now are: ‘Caroline’ by Briston Maroney, ‘Going to California’ by Led Zeppelin, ‘Pink+White’ by Frank Ocean, ‘I Was Dancing in The Lesbian Bar’ by Jonathan Richman, and ‘Sound & Color’ by Alabama Shakes. I am not sure why these songs are so perfect to me, and I am not sure I will ever know. But what I do know is music heals, it speaks to and for the soul, music life. These songs, to me, are my life.

2. Putin is the biggest asshole of our generation, and I hope he gets what is coming for him. That’s all for this one.

3. Why do societal standards, regarding what one looks like, exist? For example, I feel like women are made to feel like they need to have huge boobs, a big butt, a waist the size of a Barbie doll, a gorgeous bronzed tan, absolutely no body hair, and perfect skin. Let's talk about how unrealistic this is really quick. I am an alabaster redhead with freckles and moles, hormonal acne, AND I have hair. If I try to tan, I burn instead, I get razor bumps cause my skin is sensitive, so I am never completely smooth. And on top of those things, I developed an eating disorder because I thought I was not good enough, pretty enough, or thin enough. All bodies are beautiful, no matter what shape, size, color, or texture for that matter. We all need to love each other, nourish our bodies the best we can, and give a big ol’ middle finger to anyone who tries to shoot us down.

4. How does one not like water? Like when you ask someone who doesn’t feel well if they have drank any water that day, and they respond with “I don’t like water”, what the hell does that even mean. You need water to literally LIVE, how can you dislike it? Especially because there is nothing as refreshing as a glass of water. It just boggles my mind and I think about this consistently. And saying “I am thirsty” but then only drinking something like let’s say… Pepsi… is doing nothing for your thirst. Drink water.

5. I wonder sometimes what kind of mom I would be, or if being a mom is even in the cards I have been given to play. Would my kids love me as much as my sister and I love our mom? Would I be a strict mom or a cool mom with certain rules and boundaries, who still lets my child explore themselves and their youth. Would I be able to give up so much of myself in order to be a mom? Do I want to adopt, have kids, or both? I know I am young and I don’t necessarily need to think about these things now, but I do. Time flies after all.

6. This one is short and sweet: Why do men……? You can fill in the blank.

7. If by some miracle I ever attend a fashion show at the same time as Anna Wintour, and I get to speak with her (or better yet sit next to her), would she be scary OR would we become bffs? I like to think that we would be besties, I mean how could Anna Wintour not LOVE me. But seriously. I cannot think of another woman in fashion I admire as much as Anna. I think she is the reason I fell in love with fashion and editorial. I would love to tell her that.

8. My dad and I have playlists we made for each other that we continue to add to regularly. When I was back at home we would often share music and go on drives to get ice cream while hard rock played through the speakers. Knowing we listen to each other’s favorite songs, have matching tattoos dedicated to one of his favorite songs and artists, and us both having music as a sort of love language, means the world to me.

9. Cats are better than dogs. I will die on this hill. Nothing and no one can change my mind.

10. The big number ten. Scary isn’t it. The tenth biggest thing that has been occupying my mind recently is how I have nearly ONE QUARTER left of my freshman year of college. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! It feels like my family gave me a huge hug before dropping me off only yesterday, and yet it has been almost six months. It makes me so emotional. What felt like the most daunting experience has become the most beautiful accomplishment. Only three years to go now. Crazy.

I encourage you to do this. I actually write stuff like this in my journal late at night when I can't sleep. I get all the things I can’t stop thinking about, out of my head, so that the next time I am up all night, there will be new things. I do this for what I am grateful for, things I want, and things that scare me also. I think it's the most helpful thing I do for myself. SO, I hope you like my list, and I am curious as to what yours might be. Share it with me if you like. All my love and then some.

-Miss O

p.s. follow my Spotify….@olyvia.young

Only One in the World

pants: Rubberband New York top: Skies Are Blue jacket: Dauphinette NYC Photo: Miss O

The weekend before I left New York to go home for Thanksgiving, I went to New Jersey with Fiona for her sister’s high school play. On our way to Jersey we spent a few hours in NYC on the West Side. I took her to my favorite brunch spot, Tartine (if you’re ever in NYC and in the west village, you must go… it’s on 11th ave.), and then we decided to walk around and window shop for a bit before we had to catch our next train. As we’re walking, looking in all the shops and admiring all the beautiful buildings in the area, Fiona pointed across the street at this small boutique, where a beautiful floor length dress covered in champagne sequins and feather trim, stood in the window. She suggested we go in since it seemed like the store might match both of our vibes, and of course I agreed. When I tell you that as soon as I stepped into the space I felt transcended into my aesthetic wonderland, I did. There was color, the use of florals and crazy patterns, there was alternative mediums, and vintage pieces. As we made it farther into the store, I spotted the jacket above. It was like the foundation of my entire style board had come to life right in front of me. I of course tried it on, and after what I would like to say was a lot of contemplation but was actually a rather quick decision, I bought the jacket.

Now, I will give you some back ground of the jacket before I explain why this is the best purchase I have ever made. So the founder and designer of Dauphinette is a woman named Olivia Cheng, and I could never thank her enough for finding and enhancing this amazing piece. It all started when she went to an estate sale for a high class woman who had recently passed. She wandered into the room where the wardrobe was being displayed. There she found three seemingly identical wool trench coats. One in fuchsia, one in cream, and one in cerulean. Of course she grabbed them because that is a once in a lifetime find. She then took these jackets, altered them all slightly different, and trimmed the sleeves with recycled dyed feathers of a coordinating color. The fuchsia with light pink, the cream with gold, and the cerulean with periwinkle.

Ok, so now that you have the back story, I have to defend my purchase. I will start by saying that since being in school I have not spent much money, thus I had plenty for the jacket considering how much I worked leading up to leaving for school. Next, this jacket is the only one in existence. Meaning that no one else in the world has this exact jacket. Just me. That being said, this jacket is now the most expensive thing that lives in my small dorm closet. Because of this, I lied to my mother about how much it cost, but only for like a week… because then she caught me in the lie…. LOL. I will not disclose the exact price of the jacket, but I will say that I kept $605.68 off of the price I told my mom. Oops.

You may be wondering “Olyvia, when are you going to wear this… it doesn’t go with anything”. And to you I would say that I will actually wear it all the time, but you’re right. It doesn’t go with just anything, it goes with everything. The jacket is the statement piece of anything I would choose to wear it with, meaning that I could wear it with a sweatshirt and jeans if I wanted a more streetstyle look. Or I could wear it with tight sparkly leather pants, and a pink silk blouse (as seen in the photo above). Both work because of the part the jacket plays in the overall function of the outfit. Just wait till I wear that thing with red, then I will really be rocking the boat. And then you’ll REALLY see what I mean.

What I am trying to say with this is take risks with your fashion. Even though I may seem like someone who just wears what she wants, and pays no mind, I actually pay too much mind. Although this jacket is my favorite thing I have ever purchased, and is something I know I will wear all the time, the fear that people will judge me or not like it, invades my confidence consistently. So instead I just remind myself that I love it. That I feel good in it. That I feel seen, empowered, and accomplished in it. And when I feel those things while wearing the jacket, and everything else I wear, I know that I look good. So…. go buy something outrageous that you love, or dig something out of your closet that you have always been too scared to wear, and fucking own it. I know you’ll look amazing.

-Miss O

The Strange Return Home.

Little Gretta hiding from the summer heat. Photo by me:)

Well, it is officially the week of Thanksgiving, or rather the day before Thanksgiving. This is the first time in my life where I have not or will not be home for all the festivities leading up to turkey day and Christmas, and that’s really really strange. Even though I have been longing to come home for three months, being home is, in a word, unfamiliar. Even though everything is almost exactly the same, and I still know the roads like the back of my hand, I feel like a stranger in my own town.

If you have ever gone to college, moved for a job, or chosen to travel, and then after a while returned to where you’re from to visit, then you may know how I feel. As I was in bed about to fall asleep in my own room for the first time since August 27th, just a few days ago, I looked around and was consumed by so many memories and belongings that I had somehow forgotten about. I felt like someone with amnesia trying to remember their old life again. All my pictures on the wall, my beloved books and poems, my record player and the stacks of magazines waiting to be cut up, and the closet holding clothes I chose not to take with me. I felt like I didn’t belong there anymore. The room was being haunted with the ghost of my old self.

But it was also the most comforted I have felt in months. Lying in the smell of my familiar pillows and blankets, the natural noises of our pets, and hushed voices. I could hear the trees conversing outside, and the occasional car in the distance. I liked looking outside and seeing green. So much green. More then I have seen in months. And strangely the thing I missed the most was the eternal dampness. Or as I would say to my friends back at school… the smell of the rain. I got to get a donut from my favorite spot, I got to get my nails done, and visit friends from high school. I got to be home, not just in the actual house, but the places, the smells, the people and the sounds.

And although I love it here and I am growing to love my new home as well, I am beginning to notice that two different versions of myself exist in the world. The new Olyvia lives and remains in New York at school, and the familiar child like Olyvia, she lives in a small town in Washington that gets too much rain, and has lots of old people. My biggest take away from this realization is learning to accept and love both of those young women. To try to treat them both with as much respect and care as I can. To engage with the New York Olyvia when she’s in Poulsbo and vice versa. To balance the act.

So, the next time you return to home, wherever that may be, remember to check in with all your versions. It’s ok to be emotional about being reintroduced to one of them, or even to the place. Because, while you were gone, you grew, you evolved, and you changed. And I promise you this, the old versions of you cannot wait to meet the new ones, and neither can I. Happiest of Thanksgivings, I hope it is all that you wanted and more.

-Miss O (in every form)

Halloweekend: A Guide

Princess Peach and Elastigirl Photo: Lena Tsourides

Well, I have officially survived my first college Halloween, or formally “Halloweekend”. This was a blast, but also chaotic, so I figured, what better way to tell the messily exciting story of my first experience, then through a guide of what and what not to do. But, these are just MY experiences and in no way do you have to do things the way I did, or do any of this at all. So, kick-back and relax, and enjoy. Here we go…..

Now, everyone’s Halloweekend differs in length, ranging from two to four days(typically the weekend closest to Halloween, Thursday-Sunday)and within those few days, it is a back and fourth between going out, and recovery. However, one not must forget the weeks or even months before hand in which costumes are planned, as well as the week leading up where you finalize where you will be that weekend and what days, along with who you will be with and what time you will need to be at each place. This is by far the most stressful part of the experience, because you have to take into account how long it will take to get ready, how long pictures will take, whether or not you want to pre-game, and most importantly… how the fuck you’re going to get to each place.

In order to start my story in the most logical, and also most exciting way, I will start with my first day of Halloweekend… Friday October 29, 2021. Lena, my roommate, and I were going as Elastigirl, and Violet from “The Incredibles”. We had been planning this since September, and were QUITE excited to debut our looks. So once ready, we made our way to our besties’ dorm, Julia and Fiona. They had dressed as Princess Peach and Princess Daisy. We had all decided to meet at theirs, do what we needed to do(its college ya know…), take some pictures and then head out to the destination for the night. Now everything before we left was so fun. But once at our destination, a Halloween club in town, we were highly disappointed with our choice. Old men were trying to buy us drinks, and the other guys there our age had to form a ring around us girls, in our somewhat revealing costumes, in order to keep the gross oldies away. After under an hour Lena, Fiona, Julia and I decided to jet. Fiona and I headed to the 24 hour diner near campus with some friends, while Julia and Lena headed to a party across town with some other friends. In no way do I regret going to the diner, because I think in the grand scheme of things that was the best decision for me, but I did not have nearly as much fun as I now know I could have if I had gone to the other party.

The next night was WAY different. On Saturday the 30th, my costume was a sexy spy(hehehe I killed it) Lena was Mia Wallace from “Pulp Fiction”, Fiona was Avril Levine, and and Julia was a cheetah. Lena and I took some pictures again, but this time before leaving for Fiona and Julia’s. Once there, we did what we needed to cause well… college, polished our looks, and then met with one more of our friends who was wearing a maid costume. Our first destination was a party at a house affiliated with a campus organization. EVERYONE was there. All the guys we think are the bees knees, all of our other friends, as well as upper classman, and I am sure, townies. We had a blast. It was my first proper college party, and it was everything you see in the movies. Minus the dancing. No dancing. We were there for an hour or two, and then right before that party ended, we headed over to a popular establishment for our school, and it was PACKED. And not packed in a cutesy, dance party way; packed in an “I cant breathe”, sweaty bodies rubbing together, and random make-outs way. But my God was it fun. We danced till our legs were wobblily, our hair was messed up, and we were dehydrated past the point of being ok LOL.

Now for the advice/things I learned portion:

• Don’t call an Uber back to campus outside of an establishment if a cab will be there faster and its cheaper.

• Drink more water than you think you will able to handle both before you leave and while out.

• NEVER lose sight of your friends. Ever. (buddy system)

• Eat before, chances are there will not be food where you’re going

• Trust no one that you do not know: cover your drink if you have one, move with caution, and don’ be alone(again… buddy system)

• If you feel sick, cut yourself off, and grab a friend. Tell them bathroom, or time to go.

• On the topic of bathrooms, go to the bathroom in a group, bring drinks with you if you have them, and all go into the stall together…. cause remember, we don’t trust anyone :)

• And finally… Aspirin, bagels, coffee, and water will be your best friends the next day(I don’t feel like I need to elaborate on that hahaha).

I will conclude with this, only do what you want or what you are comfortable with. If going out isn’t for you, then stay in. If going out is for you, then go out. If you need a night off, take it. But remember, have fun. So, whatever your most recent Halloweekend looked like, or the one yet to come will look like, I hope it was/will be amazing.

Have fun. BE SAFE. And most importantly…. Happy (belated) Halloween!

-Miss O

Oh So Aesthetic

Bowl of rings Photo: Moi :)

What makes something aesthetic? How does one identify their own aesthetic? Can an aesthetic change? Well, I am no expert, and although I may have a different answer then others about what makes something aesthetic, I do know how to identify one and whether or not they change. In order to make this message more clear, I will happily explain the transformation of my own aesthetic over the years, and how you might be able to relate.

I will start this journey at my freshman year of high school, because, to be completely honest my aesthetic before then (if you could even call it that) was A MESS…. and my best friend Morgan can confirm that. So, freshman year… my aesthetic was what one could call a “Basic Bitch with a dash of SPICE”. I wore cringe worthy American Eagle skinny jeans with so many holes you would think I got attacked my a raccoon, and really tacky and ill fitting shirts. I wore only silver jewelry, which does not look great with my complexion, and wore my hair long, blunt and pin straight. But my room, the music I listened to, or even my overall vibe did not reflect the true me.. Now, in no way do I regret going through this stage, because it definitely influenced my current aesthetic in a way, but I would not wish this phase on anyone, especially on myself again.

My sophomore year I began to move into loser fitting jeans that better flattered my figure, and tighter tops. I started to style my long hair in more appealing to my face shape. But other than that, I was still pretty basic. Still pretty cookie cutter. And if I am being honest, it is 100% because of the friends I was surrounding myself with. They didn’t make me feel good. They didn’t encourage me to grow. It was this same year that I realized that a career in the fashion industry was what I wanted, and the only way to get there, was not to change myself completely, but to enhance different aspects of myself, and to start giving zero fucks. So, I chopped eight inches off of my hair. It felt like the right thing to do, and let me tell you THE GLOW UP that I had was truly one for the books.

The summer before my junior year, I got a job at a boutique in my town. I will give full credit to this job for the start of my aesthetic transformation. This same summer, Morgan and I left that toxic group of friends, and immediately became more like the versions of ourselves that we were around each other, in public. I began to experiment more with color and print, I started to listen to music that I was truly passionate about. I started wearing gold, and lots of rings on my fingers. I started reading more, and making lists in films that I had watched or wanted to. I began to change up my bedroom, and hung so many things on the walls. I was starting to figure out my current aesthetic. Unfortunately you will need to read to the end to learn what is.

My whole junior year was pretty consistent. I had a blunt, long-bob, and my clothes didn’t change much. But then the summer before my senior year I painted the ceiling in my bedroom pink and made the pink drip down around the edges. I did a giant photo collage on the same wall as my closet (floor to ceiling) in all pink, black, and white. I did a frame wall, and updated where my floating book shelves hang. That same summer I made some drastic changes to my appearance. I pierced my nose, and a week before school started (over zoom because of COVID) I made the decision to go full on Molly Ringwald “Pretty in Pink” with my hair, and chopped in all off to a long pixie cut. This was the best decision I have ever made for myself. It made me want to be more unexpected with my fashion, and aesthetic. It made me want to take more risks, and me more electric (hint, hint). It made me want to be MORE.

If you know me well, you know that I have always been a lot, quite the character even. But this was different. I wasn’t being a lot in the term so too much or crazy (even though from time to time I am those things), I was being a lot regarding what everyone else was doing. No one was dressing like me, well people my same age and from my town anyway. I was so cool dude, I miss it. ANYWAY, that year, my senior year was my coming out in a way. It was like I jumped out of a giant cake, hands above my head yelling “Here I am! This is me!!” I started being more edgy with my hair, experimenting with textures, and bangs. I started to think more seriously about tattoos (I now have four with more to come) and more colorful and chunky jewelry. I also started to make Pinterest boards for interior design, and fashion trends/aesthetics that I liked, and then it hit me. I am an electric maximalist. I want to be a walking rainbow, and come home to covered walls and a colorful layout. I want patterns and metallic art. This does not mean I want clutter, and random knick-knacks all over the place, but I want the pace to feel full. to feel lived in.

Now, I will go back to the questions I posed at the beginning of this. What makes something aesthetic or not is up to you. This is because everyone has their own aesthetic and taste. But when it comes to identifying it, or whether or not it can change, it all depends on your own personal growth, and things that you enjoy. This can be affected by age, mental health, or even environment. So if you want to know, just go on Pinterest, and make a board and just find things that are appealing to you. And if this aesthetic doesn’t have a name, then give it one. I mean, it is yours after all.

-Miss O